


Reflection

by howpunderstandable



Category: Haikyuu!!, Mulan (1998)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Military Training, Slowburn hehe, Training Camp, also bokuroo and some kuroken pining, and asahi is just there as that one uncle like, and kagehina is still the main ship, but its like in the background, hinata shouyou is an actual ray of sunshine but alas he must suffer, just a sprinkle of bisexuality in there for ya, lil bit of anxiety, lowkey kenhina - Freeform, mamasuga and dadchi woohoo, slight adhd hinata, things get rough up in Nekoma ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howpunderstandable/pseuds/howpunderstandable
Summary: Getting on his knees and bowing his head in respect, Sawamura Daichi prayed to his ancestors with everything he had for today to go smoothly.Well, as smoothly as putting Shouyou in a room alone with a figure of power could go.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 34
Kudos: 126





	1. Endings and Beginnings

Kageyama Tobio watched as General Ukai Keishin told the emperor his daily report. The Huns had attacked a northern province, and war was coming. This wasn't good. It would be dangerous. Ukai was aging, and he could possibly die.

Shaking his head to clear those unnecessary thoughts, Tobio turned his gaze back downwards.

“People have been saying that they've seen Oikawa Tooru leading them, your highness.” 

Tobio’s eyes widened. It was rumored that Oikawa Tooru had become the new general of the Huns. He hadn't thought so, but turned out it was true. Oikawa known for his astonishing amount of military knowledge and technique, but even more notorious for his ruthless cruelty and hunger for power. Stories depicting Oikawa relentlessly crawling up the ranks to the top of the Hun’s military regime at the mere age of 18 were well known throughout the Middle Kingdom. 

Although it was only a few moments, Tobio felt his heart thundering in his ears as the seconds stretched forever. His thoughts picked up speed as his heart raced. Finally, the emperor seemed to make a decision.

“Send enlistment notices throughout China," the emperor said. "Call reserves and recruit new troops.”

“Your majesty,” Ukai ventured, confident in the skills of his men. "That is an excellent decision, but I think our current militia could rival the Huns."

Tobio had heard of other generals getting killed for saying less, but the emperor simply fell quiet, pondering Ukai's proclamation. There was a reason that this dynasty had lasted for centuries, and Tobio suspected he was watching that evidence unfold. He smiled, small and proud. The Middle Kingdom's military was unrivaled in it's strong foundation, and the throne room that Tobio was standing above was where that foundation began.

“Alright, general. You may have your troops, but I will still call for more recruits. It's rumored that the Huns have a powerful miltia, and adding Oikawa into the mix will only increase the threat. I’m not going to take any chances.” 

Ukai bowed his head. “I will head out in the morning,” he conceded.

With a nod of approval from the emperor, General Ukai stood up and swept out of the room. That night, when Tobio was reviewing his military books, he thought over the emperor's words.

He pretended to be surprised when Ukai announced to him to pack up and prepare for travel, but he had prepared his luggage hours ago, hurrying back into his chambers after witnessing the scene earlier to pack. As he settled into bed to rest for the long day on horseback to come, one thought remained resolute in his mind.

_The soldier to lead China to victory will be me._

* * *

"Sugawara, do you think I could bring honor to our family?" Seven-years old and newly adopted into the Sawamura family, Hinata Shouyou peered up at the older boy with curious eyes. Suga smiled down at him. 

"Of course, silly. As long as you grow up to be tall and strong, I'm sure you could serve an honorable role to our emperor. But you have to finish your rice first, alright?"

"Oh, can I become the emperor's official rice eater?".

Suga chuckled and picked up his chopsticks. "Not if I finish before you!"

* * *

“Strong.” Shouyou stuffed another bite of rice into his mouth. “Stoic." He paused, thinking about what else he could put. "Intelligent.” Though he wasn't too sure he fit that adjective. As he tried to finish his breakfast, he thought up on his day. An ever-growing ball of nerves slowly built up in the pit of his stomach. He did his best to ignore it.

Everybody of age were to visit the local fortune teller to have them see if they would be worthy of a honorable role in society. Shouyou had just turned fifteen a few weeks ago and today would be the day of his visit, where he would have to stand in front of the teller and have his entire life dictated for him by a simple test, his fate forever decided with a single mist-

_Stay on task, Shouyou._

He turned back to his notes, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

“Assertive. What else do I need to be a good man?” He glanced down at his forearm where his messy notes were, and squinted. The sun was steadily rising higher, the sky blurred with wispy white. Wait. Steadily rising higher? Shouyou looked up, and well. The sun _was_ high. Too high. 

Realizing the time, Shouyou sprang up from his bed, the sudden movement knocking him clumsily onto the floor. He rushed outside to start on his morning chores.

_Shit._


	2. Prayers and Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffy dadchi moments and world building. Enjoy~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick rundown:  
> -Honor is a BIG DEAL  
> -The fortune teller is basically equivalent to the matchmaker  
> -The Sawamura Family is already pretty unconventional w/ Suga and adoptee!Hinata, so they try to keep on the down low. (It doesn't really work out, I mean, your son is a human tangerine. How could anyone try to ignore that??)  
> -Slight anxiety and jitters from Hinata  
> -There's a lot more but these are the basics you need to know for this chapter!!

Official rice eater, huh?

Shouyou laughed inwardly at the memories as he dashed out of his room, frantically blowing on his arm to get the notes he’d written on there earlier to dry.

“Chibi," he called. "Chibi? There you are.” 

He grinned at the dog who was sleeping on the kitchen floor. “Come on. Let's get up.” Shouyou gently nudged the dog, and Chibi sleepily blinked awake. She didn't seem very happy for him to interrupt her nap. “You're so cute, yes you are.” As he cooed, Shouyou scooped up Chibi and carried her over to the feed basket.

He set Chibi down and quickly knotted a string around her neck so a bone could hang over her eyes. He secured it tight. With a slight push out the door, Chibi flew across the yard, barking as she went. She scattered the chicken feed all over grass, and a cloud of feathers followed in her wake. 

Shouyou had thought up of the way to feed the chickens a few months ago. He'd gotten the idea whilst watching Chibi chase a squirrel like her life depended on it. She had run off and he couldn't find her for hours. It hadn't been very fun, but now he laughed. The dog's antics hadn’t changed. 

Mentally going over the rest of the chores he had to complete, he filled up the kettle and put it on the heat.

* * *

“Let Shouyou impress the fortune teller today. Please, _please_ let him be impressive."

Getting on his knees and bowing his head in respect, Sawamura Daichi prayed to his ancestors with everything he had for today to go smoothly. He supposed he couldn't ask for too much. As smoothly as putting Shouyou in a room alone with a figure of power could go.

Their local orange troublemaker got into, well. A lot of trouble. Today, Daichi hoped that Shouyou wouldn't get into trouble at all. Actually, that was unrealistic-- he hoped Shouyou would only get into trouble a little bit. 

“I’m not sure even the ancestors can help our Shouyou,” Koushi said wryly. He came up behind Daichi and set a hand on his shoulder, and Daichi leaned into his touch. Sugawara Koushi was Daichi's husband and second in line to the Sawamura line. Daichi was first. He too, knew that the day about to come was going to be interesting, if that was a way to say it.

“Well, at least the ancestors will--" drowning out the end of his sentence, Chibi bounded up the steps of the praying temple, yapping and scattering chicken feed all over the stairs.

Daichi closed his eyes and sighed deeply through his nose, and Suga shook his head in fond exasperation. Together, they shared a look. They both knew _exactly_ who the culprit behind the situation was. 

Daichi shook his head. “I’m going to pray some more.”

“I might just join you.”

As Suga took a kneel next to his spouse, Shouyou came scrambling up the steps. “Daichi. Daichi, I brought your tea!” He stumbled up the last step leading onto the walkway, and almost fell, the teacup in his hand scattering into pieces on the step. Luckily, he had held on to the steaming kettle. 

Looking dubiously at the shards below him, Daichi turned to reprimand Shouyou, brows furrowed. With Suga quietly snickering in the background, he wasn't sure it was too convincing. No matter. Shouyou knew what Daichi could be like when he was _actually_ mad. He wouldn't want to risk it, and gave Daichi a sheepish grin.

"Whoops."

“Shouyou-” Daichi started. He was quickly cut off by the younger boy’s cheerful chatter.

“I know. I'm so clumsy, aren't I? Don't worry, though. I brought a spare.” Pulling out a backup cup from a pocket, Shouyou quickly poured a cup of tea. It was very considerate of him, but there were more important things that he should've been doing.

“Shouldn’t yo-”

“Remember, the doctor said three cups of herbal tea in the morning. Good for those joints. You have to take care of yourself now, especially since winter's coming.” As he spoke, Shouyou placed the steaming cup of tea in Daichi’s hands. Again, very considerate. But still very much in the train of thought. Daichi sighed.

“Why haven't you headed out already. We're counting on you.”

“Uphold the family honor and whatnot.” Shouyou gave a knowing smile. “I know.”

He had heard many, many versions of this speech over the years. In his prefecture, the visiting of the fortune teller was a mandatory tradition. All the boys in the town had to do it to be officially recognized as a "man", the same way that all the girls visited the matchmaker when they came of age. With being taken in by the Sawamuras, being clumsy and frequently getting into trouble, many of the elders in the town felt disapproved of Shouyou. They thought that he didn't deserve to be the heir to the Sawamura line, and many of them had protested against Shouyou going to the teller today. 

Good-for-nothing.

Insignificant.

Useless.

Whatever Shouyou did, those words haunted him, following in his wake after his every mistake. However, ever since the beginning, his caretakers and friends had always been there throughout his childhood to reassure him that _no, Shouyou, you aren't_ _worthless. We care about you, and we will always be here for you._

He was very aware of how lucky he was to have been blessed by the ancestors with such a great family. He was, and would always be, eternally grateful for the kindness that the those around him had given him throughout the past few years. But Shouyou knew that Daichi and Sugawara held formidable roles in the society of their small town. They had a heavy image of honor to uphold, and the stain that remained as the consequences of his actions was already bleeding through.

Even if those two would always reassure him that Shouyou was an essential part of their life, he was well aware of the fact his caretakers were held accountable for every wrong move he made. Instead of being bitter or treating him poorly, Daichi, the current head of the distinguished Sawamura family looked down at him with not even a single speck of condescending. Shouyou knew, and he made a resolution. It was time to grow up, and he would abandon the childish ways in which he had acted before. He'd strive to become an honorable man, just like Koushi and Daichi were. 

He wasn’t going to bring shame anymore. 

Shouyou reached behind himself to absentmindedly pull at his sleeve, covering the notes he had written on his arm earlier. He grinned up at the duo that had altered his fate from one of isolation and loneliness into one filled with love and light. 

“I won’t let you and Suga down, Daichi. I promise.”

He just hoped that was true.

* * *

Standing in front of the salon in the market plaza, Sugawara Koushi wondered where the hell Hinata Shouyou was. The boy had been frantically jumping and running around their property in his excitement. Suga had left early for Shouyou's salon appointment, reminding the boy in question very specifically not to be late. 

“Suga, where’s Shouyou? He should be here. Why isn't he here?” Writing a 人 on his palm and swallowing it, Asahi Azumane, one of Suga and Daichi's oldest friends, paced up and down the front walkway of the salon. His eyes scanned the small crowd milling about the shopping square, mouth downturned into a frown. “Ancestors, I can feel my chi slowly crumbling into ash. Of all days to be late. Why hadn’t I prayed to the ancestors this morning for luck? I should've done that. Why hadn't I done that?”

“How lucky could the ancestors be, Az?” Koushi looked back at his friend, grinning. “They’re dead.” 

Asahi paled. He didn't reply.

Despite being freakishly tall and well built, Asahi was a rather gentle man and got nervous easily. He'd had been right alongside Daichi and Suga, helping raise Shouyou from the very beginning, and even though sometimes the man needed a reality check to help him stay composed, Koushi didn’t mind. 

Today, however…

As his friend began grumbling about how what he said didn’t really help one bit, Koushi took a deep breath and did some fretting of his own. Asahi wasn't wrong earlier. Of all days to be late, why this one? Shouyou knew how important today would be.

Koushi's grin didn't leave his face, though. He could already feel the plan forming in his mind. Shouyou was definitely not going to be let off easily for this, and his mind raced with all the possibilities. Maybe this would be fun.

He turned towards Asahi, opening his mouth to share one of such fun ideas, but decided against it. Asahi didn't look too good. Maybe if he was really this worried, Koushi would hold back a little for him. Well, this wouldn't be as fun as he thought.There wasn't really ever a time when Asahi didn't worry, though. Koushi didn't take it to heart too much.

Right on cue, Shouyou came galloping in. He sat on the Sawamura family’s steed, hair wild and eyes bright. He hopped off the horse and walked up the the pair standing in front of the salon. “Hey, guys! Hope you didn't miss me too much.” He winked. 

Koushi shot him a look, not looking amused. Shouyou deflated.

“Okay, okay. Sorry about being late," he said, allowing Asahi to hurry him into the salon. Ouch. He was basically dragging him, and Koushi felt sympathetic. 

“We're running out of time." Asahi said. 

Shouyou didn't struggle as Asahi pulled him along, but he turned his head to look at Koushi for support. Well, sucked to be him. Shouyou knew how important it was to be here today, and he had been late anyways. He had made not only Asahi, but Koushi worry as well. He was also dirty. Why was he dirty? Koushi remembered Daichi telling Shouyou last night that he didn't have to do any strenuous chores today. 

* * *

Shouyou's stomach churned. He tried to ignore it by cracking a joke earlier, but, well. It didn't get a positive response. His arm hurt from how hard Asahi was pulling it, though he supposed that Asahi couldn't really help that. That didn't matter too much, though, and he didn't blame him. Shouyou turned to Koushi, silently pleading to him for help. What kind of help, he didn't know, but he could always count on Koushi to get him out of tricky situations.

That is, unless Koushi was the one putting him in said situation. Shouyou prayed for it not to be the latter option. Alas, because the ancestors hated him, it was. He gulped. Shouyou found himself really wishing that he had a bit more intelligence. Would it have been that hard not to make him as dumb as a rock? Wait, that was kind of smart, actually. Maybe he wasn't too dumb after all. Whether overly dumb or just a little dumb, however, he definitely needed a broader vocabulary.

To say that the glow of mischief in Suga’s eyes was frightening was an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :) Thanks for reading!!


	3. Chickens and Composure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those damn chickens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick rundown:  
> -Honor is a BIG DEAL  
> -The fortune teller is basically equivalent to the matchmaker  
> -The Sawamura Family is already pretty unconventional w/ Suga and adoptee!Hinata, so they try to keep on the downlow. (It doesn't really work out, but I mean, your son is a human tangerine. How could anyone try to ignore that??)  
> -Slight anxiety and jitters from Hinata  
> -There's a lot more but these are the basics you need to know for this chapter!!

“This?” The shopkeeper huffed. They didn't seem very impressed. "This is Shouyou?" 

Shouyou felt his cheeks heat. With his hair strewn everywhere and mud smeared all over his clothes, he knew he looked far from ‘strong and stoic’. 

“Oh, uh. I’m sorry. I, uh.” Shouyou babbled, scrambling to find the right words to explain his state of being, but he didn't really have any excuses. He knew without even looking that Koushi was giving that sly grin behind him, the traitor. Whatever was about to come would not be fun. Well, not for him, but it sure as hell would be a sight to behold for Suga.

Damn chickens for refusing to go in their pens.

“Hey. Trust me, I’ve seen worse. Don't worry too much, I was just teasing.” Sensing his agitation, the stylist easily calmed the situation with a practiced smile. 

_Not a smile Shouyou himself hadn’t often seen in the mirror as he attempted to maintain his air of cheerfulness throughout his days_ , he noted. Whether that the stylist was so practiced at managing their composure was a good thing or a bad one, Hinata couldn’t tell. He smiled back. "Okay. Sorry about that. Again." Ancestors, someone had cursed him today, hadn't they? That conversation had gone downhill faster than Shouyou's patience for his studies. 

As a worried Asahi and a still smirking Suga ushered him deeper into the salon, Shouyou tried to distract himself. He took in the scene around him. The interior of the shop was stylishly decorated, and dimly lit with light streaming through the windows. Tasteful ornaments with tones of dark umber and olive green hung from the walls, a curtain separating the area. Although it felt like a much larger space, the studio was only one room.

Studying what seemed to be a detailed painting of a battle scene, Shouyou startled when hands suddenly began stripping off his clothes. Feeling more than slightly violated by the actions, he began to protest before tumbling into bitter cold. He popped his head up from the bath, teeth chattering. 

"Why is this so cold?" Shouyou shivered, spinning around in the tub, sloshing water onto the floor as he went. Inwardly, he winced. Whoops.

He looked to his guardian for support on the poor treatment, but Koushi only quirked a brow. “It wouldn't have been cold if you weren't late.” The stylist gave a grin, and the boy couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit of his anger wane. The bath wasn't all that different from bathing in the river, anyways. He could deal with it. 

* * *

After Shouyou had been furiously scrubbed raw and toweled clean, he was dragged, much to his dismay, to the other side of the parlor and further fussed over. The elderly woman gibbered away cheerfully while she combed and brushed through all the tangles in his hair. In a rather rough manner, mind you. The orange shock on Shouyou's head was thoroughly curly, and the painful tugs on his scalp weren't forgiving.

“Trust me. By the end of this, girls are going to be hanging all over you. I’ve got the perfect recipe for instant macho man,” She said, winking. Shouyou couldn’t help but laugh, wincing shortly after. Ouch, that had hurt. 

Although, Shouyou wouldn’t mind if the boys would hang over him too. 

“Alright,” said Suga, suddenly appearing behind him.

Shouyou jumped, the nerves he had been suppressing returning in full force.

“All that’s left is your final outfit, and Asahi and I will step outside to wait for Daichi. Will you be alright being on your own for this last part?” When he nodded in confirmation, Suga patted his shoulder and gave him a reassuring grin. 

Despite his occasional prank, Koushi was always there for him, whether he asked for it or not. Shouyou was ever again grateful for the support, and he felt a steely determination rise and harden into resolve in his chest and gave Suga a grin. He pointedly ignored the way his stomach churned at the suggestion of being left alone. 

“Hey." Koushi put a hand on his shoulder. As always, he saw straight through him. "Fortune or not, we’re already proud of you, Shou. Don't forget it.” 

He wasn’t going to let them down. He couldn't. Before that, though.

Where was the toilet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a couple dashes of bisexuality in there for ya~  
> also mamasuga strikes back  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Also, would you prefer longer chapters w/ slower updates or shorter chapters and more frequent updates?? Feel free to comment and tell me! I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Crickets and Coils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lil bit of the 3rd year trio  
> lil bit of chaotic!suga (I LOVE HIM)  
> lil bit of world building  
> not so lil bit of nerves as shouyou prepares for what is arguably the most important occasion of his life  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i hope ur day is going super fantastic and if it isn't i hope it gets wayyy better
> 
> oh boy this chapter took me a long time to get right (many, many hours of editing) and I PROMISE TOBIO's POV IS COMING I MISS HIM TOO
> 
> a big thanks to @charlottesoup and my friend Zo for listening to my rambling about this story!! it means a ton~

Asahi took a deep breath, staring contemplatively up at the sunny sky. “So, these are-” 

“Stop it.” Daichi cut him off before he could continue.

“I hadn’t said anything yet.”

Koushi and Daichi traded a glance. They looked at Asahi. Then back at each other. They grinned.

“You were going to say something sentimental, weren’t you?” 

Before he could reply to Daichi's question, though, Koushi jutted in. “ _These are going to be our last years with Shouyou,_ or something like that, right?” He and Daichi shared a knowing grin.

Asahi winced. It was exactly what he was going to say, and those two had seen right through it. The bearded man felt his cheeks heat up. They knew him too well, really. Not that it was a bad thing, he supposed.

“Yeah, you got me," he mumbled. Asahi awkwardly scratched at the back of his head and looked away, but seemed to perk up a few moments later. “But, uh. I got this lucky cricket from a stall earlier this morning. To like, I dunno. Help luckify the situation or something.”

He trailed off awkwardly towards the end, losing confidence, and Suga gave him a teasing smile. “Is ‘luckify’ even a word?” 

Much to his amusement, Asahi only sighed, the noise turning into a surprised yelp when Koushi snatched up the cage with the cricket from his hands. He contemplatively examined the cage in his hands before his eyes lit up, seemingly coming to a conclusion.

“Okay, cricket. Listen up. This is your chance,” Koushi whispered, looking down at the cage with a conspiratorial gleam in his eye. Oh no. Asahi knew that look, and it wasn't a good one. Koushi had an idea.

With those final words, he promptly closed his eyes and strode out into the middle of the bustling street. 

“Koushi, no.” Asahi groaned, covering his eyes to keep himself from witnessing what was about to happen, praying to the ancestors for Suga to come out of this unscathed. But no, Koushi had decided, he was going to walk across the street blindfolded and almost get killed. Wouldn't that be fun? Turned out that it wasn't. Shocker.

While Asahi stood there, regretting his life decisions, chaos ensued.

Carts screeched to a halt, horses rearing back and whinnying in order to stop from crushing the poor man. Dust clouds bloomed as Suga strode to the other side. He emerged, miraculously, unharmed. Ancestors, Asahi was glad he was okay. He nearly collapsed on the spot from the stress.

Koushi turned, grinning. Though the other two couldn't see it from the distance they'd been standing at, his shoulders loosened. Adrenaline was always good for his nerves.

With his usual great timing, Shouyou poked his head out from the shop. He looked uncomfortable in his ornamental attire, and Asahi probabaly would've teased him about his expression if he didn't remember his own fortune telling. Ancestors, that had been a bad day. Under the heavy stares from the three before him, Shouyou squirmed a bit. He laughed nervously, absentmindedly pulling at a lock of his hair that the stylist had previously smoothed down.

“I know, I know. I look pretty weird, don’t I?” He gave a self conscious chuckle. After an awkward pause with no response, he peered curiously at the three who were still gawking at him. “Uh. Guys?” He waved his hands in front of the dumbfounded faces before him.

Nothing happened.

“Is there a stain on my face or something? What’s-” 

He didn’t even finish his sentence before the trio standing before him promptly burst into tears.

* * *

After recovering from their outburst, Daichi and Suga quickly fell into their usual role of worrying parent. Smoothing down a stray lock of stubborn hair into place, Daichi smiled down at Shouyou, eyes proud. “There. You’re ready.” 

"This cricket's lucky, you know. I tested it myself,” Koushi said, winking. 

"Sure."

Shouyou rather quickly decided that he didn't want to know what "tested" meant, cautiously taking the cage handed to him. Glancing off to the side, Shouyou found himself more than slightly concerned for the Asahi that paled at the sight at the insect, and then a bit more so when Suga only grinned in response.

As the group got closer and closer to their destination, Shouyou felt the beginnings of coil slowly form in his gut, winding tighter and tighter. He was grateful for the light chatter that the others kept up with their footsteps, but the conversation felt stiff, the undertones strained. Anticipation and dread creeped up behind him, uncomfortably weighing down his shoulders and soaking up any lingering confidence he might’ve had.

Not that there was that much of it to begin with anyway.

If he screwed up now-- _the way he always did,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied--the gravity of those mistakes would destroy their family's legacy. This was his only chance to redeem himself, and he had to keep from uprooting his family tree, to keep Koushi and Daichi standing tall. He couldn't screw up today. He couldn't disappoint them, not again, not ever-

Shouyou blinked back into reality when he was nudged. They had arrived, and a large crowd had gathered near the hut, anticipation buzzing in the air for the momentous occasion. It wasn’t unusual, as only a couple tellings were held every year. The sight only sped up the development of the ever-tightening knot in his stomach. 

Shouyou could feel the edges of his composure crack under the invisible judgement and scrutiny that had flooded over him as soon as he had stepped foot in the waiting area, the stares already boring into him. His gut tightened, nausea crawling up into his throat and sealing it shut, but Shouyou set his panic aside as he spotted the two figures approaching him.

Izumi took one look at him and sighed. “Shou-chan, you’re too nervous.”

“They’ll think you’re a country hick from all your staring, you know,” Kouji joked.

He had cautiously invited his two closest friends to come to the telling at Daichi’s suggestion, originally not wanting too many people he knew to be there, but their familiar faces were a sight for sore eyes. He felt the previously incoming wave of panic edge back, and suddenly his axis wasn’t so tilted as it had been in the moments before.

He smiled. “Well, this is my first time at a real telling. I’ve never been allowed to go before, you know.”

"Yeah," Kouji said. "You hadn't come to Izumi's telling a couple weeks ago, and mine isn't for a couple months."

“It’s sure been a real struggle to get here, huh?” 

It had been. At the reminder of that, Shouyou’s mood sobered. “Yeah.” He turned to the two flanking him and smiled. “Izumi and Kouji, thanks for coming to be moral support."

The two seemed to be started by the sudden thanks, and Izumi rubbed at his neck. “Well, I already had my telling, so it’s really no problem. There's no need to thank anyone or anything.” 

“Thanks for coming too, you three. It means a lot.” Shouyou jumped around to face the group behind him. 

Koushi and Asahi had each skipped out on their duties to be there for him today, and the trek all the way to the hut had to have been harsh on Daichi’s leg. Still, all three of them came, and Izumi and Kouji too.

Asahi flustered at the sincerity and he scrambled to reply. It wasn't unlike the actions of Shouyou's friends from moments before, even though he was several years their senior. “Oh, I mean, uh. It's fine. I'm happy to be here, and uh. Yeah. Um.” 

Suga and Daichi met his eyes, and there was a moment of silence before they all burst out laughing, Asahi included. As they exchanged smiles, and Shouyou felt his chest swell with affection as he looked at the pillars of support in his life.

“Don’t cry, Shouyou.” Kouji teased.

“I’m not crying.”

“You’re pretty tearful, you know. Just two weeks ago, remember? Chibi had-” Izumi said, joining in, and Shouyou flailed his arms to shush him, sputtering.

The group around him laughed, and began to chat cheerfully amongst themselves while they waited for the event to begin. But even surrounded by support, Shouyou couldn’t help but feel a little alone as he turned gazed out onto the crowd around him. He looked at the unfamiliar faces, each equipped with the assurance that they would be enough. The assurance that Shouyou lacked within himself. These kids would be accepted to be worthy of their titles, but he might not be, and he felt something in himself flicker.

 _I don’t deserve to be here_.

The nagging doubt had always persisted, despite the reassurances and smiles of his family. He could feel the whispers behind his back, even now. He had never truly escaped the fear that one day everyone would realize how worthless he always was, and Shouyou would have to helplessly watch as the kindness in their eyes turned into disgust, into revulsion for his useless existence. 

Despite the warmth in his chest, Shouyou felt the coil inside him tighten. 

When he glanced up and saw Suga's concerned gaze, he tried to give a smile, but the group around him saw right through it. He protested, but they gathered up Shouyou in a group hug before ushering him off. Under the stable warmth of his family’s arms, Shouyou felt the tide within him, flooding up in his throat and threatening to overflow, ease back. 

His smile was softer as he emerged, and his heart a bit lighter. 

* * *

As the silhouettes of his loved ones faded in the distance, Shouyou wasn't as able to shake the stares he knew were evaluating his every step, the disapproving whispers following in his wake. _Look, there's the Sawamura successor. He really doesn’t resemble either of the two heirs, does he? I heard they picked him off the street. He’ll only bring dishonor into the family._ _He’ll never be good for anything_. 

His thoughts continued to spiral as the line of boys began their ceremonial walk. It was more for show than anything else, really, but it was tradition to honor the ancestors as they began their rite of passage. 

As the line finally neared the hut, the boys all fell to their knees in an elaborate bow, and Shouyou hastily followed suit. A posh looking woman strode out from the doors of the hut and an expectant hush fell over the group.

He had been waiting for this moment all his life. He had to do good, he had to make an impression, he-

“Hinata? Hinata Shouyou?”

He scrambled up from his bow, raising his hand. “Hello, uh. That's me!”

The woman tsked and turned in distaste. “Speaking without permission,” she noted.

Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your feedback so feel free yell at me in the comments :)


	5. Huts and Hatches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hq? amazing  
> fortune teller? oh no  
> our local fav tangerine? cinnamon roll  
> suffering? yes  
> panic attack? woohoo  
> hotel? t r i v a g o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola! sorry for a bit of a wait ahaha, but this chapter is one that I had a lot of fun writing. Had a bit of trouble with describing the anxiety and jitter's fron shouyou the right way, so tell me- was it okay? any suggestions?  
> anyways- have a great rest of your day and you deserve every happiness!!  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> enjoy~

“If this doesn't go well, we could all be stripped of our positions on the council, not to mention the impact on our finances…” Asahi muttered under his breath, face graying with worry. 

“There it is,” Suga announced. “Negative goatee! _”_ He pointed an accusatory finger at Asahi.

Negative goatee? 

If it were another situation, Asahi probably would've laughed. Under the metaphorical glaring sun and the literal glaring gazes around him, however, the event felt more ominous than it should have.

“Of course this will go well, dumbass.” Glancing at the two, Daichi crossed his arms and looked up at the sky, voice leaving no room for argument. “Shouyou can handle this.”

He was right, and Asahi knew it. He straightened. Instead of worrying, it would rather be better if he supported Shouyou instead. That wouldn't be hard. He gave an apologetic smile, rubbing at the back of his neck. “You’re right. Sorry abou-” A sharp hand jabbed into his side, not hard enough to hurt, but with enough impact to make the gentle giant stumble.

_“Negativity, begone!”_

Ouch.

"Koushi," Asahi yelped. He loved these two more than anything, but that hadn't been appreciated. Eventually, though, he caved and dropped the furrowed eyebrows, grinning.

There were moments where Asahi felt out of place within his family. Koushi and Daichi never had to struggle with heaving breaths and racing thoughts, an involuntarily frozen body under a judgmental stare. They tried, and Asahi knew that, and he loved them for it. But that didn't change the feelings that would creep up on him. They would whisper traitorously into his ear, telling him he was the only one, and would always be the only one. Asahi hadn't ever seen anybody else struggle with anything like that, and when he tried to explain it, the words never came out right. It was like he was on an entirely different wavelength.

At least, it felt like it sometimes. Right now, though, wasn't one of those instances. Asahi smiled, and let himself join the laughter of his friends as the three shared a syncronized thought.

_I wouldn’t trade this for the world._

* * *

The woman stared dubiously at Shouyou, giving him a once over before derisively turning away. “Too small,” She tsked. “Not good for protecting the family.”

His gut tightened with the quick dismissal. Being short in nature wasn't fun. It wasn’t too bad around people whom he was familiar with, as they were aware of how the subject had always been a sore spot for him. Just the other day when he went to the fields, though, he was mistaken by a group of visiting travelers from a neighboring village as a lost child and was offered to be escorted home since been “getting dark out”.

Shouyou sighed, his gut jolting again as the teller sharply turned to face him. 

“Now, tell me about the honorable qualities of a worthy man," she barked.

What? 

Oh, his notes.What had he written again?

Shouyou furiously attempted to recall the phrases that he'd struggled to memorize, but only a hazy outline of the words that he had drilled into his mind that morning remained. A bead of sweat dripped down his neck and he discreetly peered under his sleeve. 

“Um. You must remain strong and stoic whenever possible, and, uh.” Shouyou peeked under his sleeve again, this time noticing how his notes were smudged towards the bottom. He squinted. Suga would be sure to make him scrub the sleeve spotless later-- he was unforgiving on the topic of cleanliness. “You have to take your time before you attack." No, that wasn't the right word. What was it? "Before you act, I mean. Take your time before you act. ”

Shit. 

“Doing so will bring you honor and glory,” he rushed. This wasn't going well, and the teller knew it, glaring at him. Shouyou felt the coil inside him tighten a notch. He forced away the churning in his stomach as the woman huffed, apparently done scrutinizing how much of a screw-up he was. It probably wasn't hard to tell that he was a major one.

“This way."

As the fortune teller pulled him across the room, Shouyou winced. She was rubbing his sleeve against the ink on his arm, and that would be a pain to scrub out. After he was very unceremoniously plopped in front of a table, the teller begins to give a speech about the council's expectation for the next generation. Shouyou is mercifully spared from having to say anything, and he feels a bit of his anxiety lessen. She grabs a pot of tea and flourishes her hand.

“Now, drink some tea." Shouyou could do that. This was easy, and he picked up the cup and brought it to his lips. Oolong, cool. "To please the council, you must display a sense of calm as you discuss business endeav-” 

Just then, Shouyou had the pleasure of noticing that the teller's hand was stained in a heavy, inky black. Probably from his notes.

Oh no.

“-endeavors,” the woman continued. It was all the Shouyou could do to watch in horror as she swept her hand across her chin, smearing ink all over her face.

Oh dear. Oh wow. Okay. 

Shouyou quickly down at his cup of tea, pretending that nothing was wrong. The teller didn't know, so he didn't have to know either. He could just pretend that the teller's face was perfectly normally stained. Definitely not with ink from his notes or anything. This wasn't a big deal. He was fine. This was all fine and everything wou--

The cricket. The cricket, it was. It was in the teacup.

The tide of panic in Shouyou's gut became very, very, dangerously close to flooding over.

How had the cricket-? What? When had the cricket gotten out of the cage and into the cup? Ancestors help him. Like, seriously, send a magical dragon or something-- he needed it. Shouyou sent a cautious glance down towards his waist where the cricket had been hanging moments earlier, safe and sound. 

The cage was empty, the hatch ajar.

Face in a no doubt ridiculous expression, Shouyou’s previously racing mind came to a screeching halt as he stared, dumbfounded, at the steaming problem in front of him. He had messed up. He had messed up big time. He messed up, and the Sawamuras were never going to recover, he was going to bring down the entire family legacy, and-

_Focus._

The fortune teller went to go pick up the cup and he started, tentatively holding up a finger. “Pardon me, uh. The-”

“You must also learn when to keep your mouth shut. This is one of those times,” the woman said, shooting him a venomous glare. She brought the cup of tea up to her face, inhaling the fragrant waft of steam from the cup. 

Shouyou felt the bile rising in his throat. He turned very, very green. Later, he'd reflect back on this day--and he did that quite often--and when he did, Shouyou would realize that this was rather strange. He threw up quite regularly, and he could usually tell beforehand. Perhaps he'd been too caught up to notice today, but no matter. What did matter, though...

Without much hesitation, Shouyou promptly vomited all over the most important person he would ever meet.

The teller froze.

Rushing out of the door of the hut, he realized the moment that he stepped out into the waiting area that fleeing had been perhaps the worst choice he could have made. Wiping at his mouth with tears streaming down his face, he fell into an incoherent heap in front of a startled but very concerned Koushi, and cursed the ancestors for the existence of chickens. 

"You are a disgrace,” the woman spat, coming out of the hut, covered in the remains of Shouyou’s breakfast. She smashed the teapot on the dirt, furious. “You may look like a man, but you will never bring your family honor,” she hissed, shoving her way into Shouyou's face.

The silence was deafening. 

* * *

_Crying, okay. Hyperventilating too? Alright. That was neat_.

Somehow, Shouyou managed to stumble to the Sawamura’s ancestor temple. He tried remembering the breathing techniques that Asahi had once murmured to him through his worst panic attacks to no avail. He fell to his knees in front of the rows of polished engravings in the temple, trying to breathe through the harsh, echoing sobs racking through his body and panic flooding his veins. 

His reflection mercilessly stared back at him.

Looking at himself, there was nothing but an undeserving imposter. Shouyou detachedly watched, hollow and empty, as a blotchy face heaved heavy breaths as he stared through swollen, watery eyes. Words and phrases from his childhood flashed back up again, taunting him. 

Pathetic.

* * *

The sun warmed his skin, and a breeze ruffled through his messy locks as Shouyou sat on a bench in the Sawamuras’ garden, the blossom tree above him gently swaying in its wake. Flower petals drifted down around him, framing the scene.

It was beautiful.

Shouyou hated it.

The world kept on spinning. 

As his caretaker walked up to him, Shouyou turned his head away, unable to face him after the ordeal. “We have beautiful flowers this year,” Daichi said softly, glancing around at the tree overhanging the bench. His voice was as steady as ever, it’s tone light and conversational.

He didn’t meet Daichi's eyes. 

“Hey. Look,” he remarked, pointing towards a branch. “This one’s late. I’ll bet, though,” He nudged the shorter boy next to him, and Shouyou lifted his eyes to look at the bud he was pointing to, “When it blooms, it will be the most beautiful one of them all.”

For a moment, all was quiet, and Shouyou took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, it was like the world had regained some color. He sat there as Daichi, who could be impossibly stern and frighteningly scary, was impossibly gentle as he brushed a pink petal off of his messy curls.

It was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things will get better for our tangerine  
> ...someday ^_^  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :)


	6. Storms and Scrolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aftermath of the teller's  
> why asahi is also a parental role in shouyou's life  
> a sprinkle of negative thoughts from our local ray of sunshine
> 
> it's those chickens, isn't it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi!! hope you're day has been as fantastic as you are (and that's like, super fantastic lol) 
> 
> i'll have you know, i thoroughly enjoyed the suffering in this chapter
> 
> thanks for the wait!!
> 
> enjoy~

A corner of the Shouyou’s lips twitched. It wasn't quite a smile, but it wasn't quite the hollow expression he had held moments prior. Daichi smiled warmly back down at him, and he opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by as a ringing of drums thrummed throughout the village. “What is it?” Shouyou glanced at Daichi, confused. The drums had never rang before, so it must have been something big. Really big. His eyes strayed to Daichi's but the taller man didn’t answer.

“Don't go anywhere. This isn't your buisness.”

From the look on his face, Daichi probably already knew that the he would disobey that command. Shouyou was so proud of the amount of trust his caretakers had in him. Daichi wasn’t wrong, though. As soon as he had walked away, Shouyou scrambled on top of the estate’s roof and peered down outside, where a group of posh-looking men sat on horseback. Soldiers?

“Quiet,” A man called, and the previously muttering crowd falling silent as the advisor continued. "I've brought new to all of you, and it may not be what you're looking to hear. The Huns have invaded our northernmost border.”

Oh look, the impossible day just got, somehow, impossibly worse. Shouyou loved being alive.

Almost comically, gasps of surprise rang out across the clearing. If the advisor hadn’t just dropped the second biggest bomb that Shouyou had ever heard in his life, the boy probably would’ve laughed at the ridiculously shocked expressions on everyone's faces. 

“Our great emperor has sent out notice that every family send an eligible man to fight in the official militia. You shall report the the Miyagi Prefecture camp as soon as possible with your conscription notice." What? Those chickens had predicted something this morning, hadn't they? Shouyou cursed the ancestors for the misfortune, but prayed to them as hard as he could for a certain name not to be called.

“The Sawamura family!” 

Nevermind, he was going to keep cursing the ancestors. He would curse them forever.

With those pleasant thoughts running through his head, Shouyou watched in horror as a reluctant Asahi took the walking stick that Daichi handed off to him. A majority of the crowd turned to watch as Daichi hobbled up to the advisor's horse. Most of them were familiar with their family, whether pleasantly or not. The public scrutiny only added to Shouyou's climbing despair. No. Please, no. His grip on the railing tightened, knuckles white.

Those _goddamn_ chickens. 

The advisor pompously glared at Daichi as if he were a piece of dung on his shoe. He sniffed dubiously before turning his nose as if Daichi reeked of “unworthy commoner”. Shouyou wanted to punch his face in. "Have you no sons of age?" 

"I am blessed with a heir who is not yet of age to be conscripted. I will honor our country to join our militia and figh-"

Daichi stumbled in the dirt, his bad knee unable to support him in his kneel as he fell to the ground. From his perch, Shouyou gasped. Koushi rushed forward to help him up and stopped when Daichi held up a stubborn hand. Several agonizing seconds passed as he struggled to his feet. 

This couldn’t be happening. Shouyou didn't believe it. This wasprobably all a dream, and he would wake up in his bed soon, ready for a new day. A different day. Any day would be better than this one.

Alas, Shouyou could do nothing but helplessly watch as Daichi reached for the scroll that would become his death sentence. 

_Knowyourplaceknowyourplaceknowyourplaceknowyourplace-_

Actually, to the ancestors with knowing your place. He already screwed up today anyways, and what was a little more?

“Sir," he called, jumping off from the top of the shingles. A couple people beneath him jumped in surprise from his sudden appearance. "Is there any way I could serve instead of him? He already served in our last war and suffered an injury." 

The man didn’t even glance in his direction. 

He turned, however, again to Daichi. He gave him a disapproving look, and Shouyou felt himself wither. "You would do to teach your son to keep his mouth shut in an elders' presence,” he remarked, gesturing to the men on top of the horses around him. As if those who’d had their entire lives handed to them on a silver platter, who didn’t even know what true courage and hardship looked like even if it were dangled right in front of their noses, were worthy of such a title anyways.

Shouyou shrugged off Koushi’s placating hand on his shoulder. "Please, Sir. Listen to me. Daichi has already served our emperor in the last w-" 

"Shouyou. Step away. You are dishonoring me," Daichi murmured, casting his eyes downwards. His face was very carefully neutral.

Shouyou flinched.

His voice cut off in his throat, and his eyes burned, welling up with tears. Standing there, he was stunned with humiliation as he watched Daichi limp back into the house, conscription notice in hand. His eyes remained resolutely straight ahead as he ignored the cane that Asahi hesitantly offered to him.

Shouyou stood there. He watched. What else could he do?

Just as fast as color had returned to the world, it flooded with quiet.

* * *

Shouyou peered curiously from behind a curtain as Daichi opened a set of dusty cabinet doors, creaking from disuse. He gasped when he saw the armor within.

He had only ever heard stories of when they had been recruited to fight in the war. Daichi had suffered his lasting leg injury and Koushi was a medic in the army there. Daichi had apparently been a leader of sorts, banding together a couple of misfits who’d been his and Koushi’s age. 

When he had first come into the Sawamura residence, Shouyou had sat for hours as Suga told him haunting tales of him and Shimizu, tending to bloody wounds to save the living amongst the rotting, decaying corpses of the dead. He also heard his fair share of lighter, happier stories of mischief caused by of some of the newer recruits, Tanaka and Nishinoya.

But those stories were from years ago, and both Koushi and Daichi had come home from that war with heavy shoulders and scars that only grew heavier with every passing moon. As his knee gave out under him as a stark reminder of such heavy injuries, Daichi faltered and lost his balance, letting out a grunt of pain as he fell. Under the dim lamplight, Shouyou’s mind came to a realization with uncharacteristic clarity. He was rather startled at the sudddenness of his realization. He'd never really shown any keenness for such matters. 

Daichi wasn’t at his prime anymore. Far from it. The scars that had been carved into his skin would make him become a living target. Shouyou knew, out on the battlefield, with a weakness as glaring as his limp, it wouldn’t take much time before Daichi himself became one of the rotting corpses on the field from Koushi’s stories.

The thought sank uncomfortably into his bones, and a chill ran down Shouyou's spine. He knew, and Suga and Asahi probably did too.

If Daichi left to fight in the war, he wouldn't return.

* * *

He lasted 6 minutes into dinner. (It was a new record, actually.)

Everyone had gathered around the table in careful silence. Suga was filling up each of their bowls with rice, and Daichi sipped his tea, staring straight ahead. The deceptively normal scene broke, however, as Shouyou set his chopsticks down harshly, rattling the table.

“You shouldn’t go,” he pleaded. 

“Shouyou,” Koushi warned. This wasn’t going to end well, but so what? Shouyou had already failed before. 

“There are plenty of available recruits,” he insisted.

“It's a great honor to serve the emperor,” Daichi said matter of factly, but he didn’t meet Shouyou’s eyes. 

“So you’ll die for honor?” Shouyou raised an eyebrow. He knew that he was being disrespectful, but if Daichi left, someone to disrespect wouldn't be around ever again. 

“I'll die doing the right thing.”

Daichi's eyes still didn’t stray from the bowl of rice before him, steady as ever. Shouyou felt himself waver, but opened his mouth to protest.

“Shouyou, cease the nonsense!” Daichi stood up from his seat, eyes blazing. “You already disgraced our name in public. Don't do it in the privacy of our home as well.” Behind him, Asahi’s eyes widened, and Koushi suddenly seemed to find very interesting patterns on the table.

Neither of them said anything as Shouyou stormed out of the room. 

* * *

You will never bring your family honor.

Was that the Sawamura heir? What a disappointment.

I know, right? He screws up everything.

Step back, Shouyou. You’re dishonoring me.

* * *

Shouyou fell back and leaned against a pillar, trying to calm his rapid breathing. A couple moments later, Asahi wandered out into the hallway where he had been sitting, looking a bit frazzled. The taller man let out an audible sigh of relief as he spotted him. “Oh, thank the ancestors. I'm glad I found you.” 

He walked over and sat down next to him, tilting his head to look up at the dimming sky. They sat, the silence solemn but not awkward as dark, dense clouds rolled in, a storm coming. “We worry, you know,” Asahi eventually said. “He’s just trying his best.” 

It wasn’t necessary to elaborate on who “he” was.

“I know,” Shouyou muttered, guilt prickling his skin as he looked away. It definitely wasn’t easy to clean up after his messes and maintain their responsibilities at the same time, and yet Daichi and Suga still kept up with it all beautifully. Asahi, too. Though he often waved off the accomplishment with a flushed face and flailing arms, it was no small honor to earn a place on the council. 

Though Koushi and Daichi had always offered their unconditional support, and Shouyou was grateful for it, loved them for it, he really did. But they never knew the right way to approach his anxiety attacks, seeing it from the sidelines. 

It had been Asahi. Asahi, who had helped him out of panicked hyperventilation, and Asahi who had gently patted his back and crouched beside him as Shouyou heaved and sputtered out the turmoil within him on the side of the road. It had been Asahi who had kept him company through nights filled with racing thoughts and ghosts from the past. He too, fought his fair share of battles with tormenting demons, raging an unseen war within himself. Koushi, Daichi, and Asahi. His strange, but not at all dysfunctional family. 

_I wouldn’t trade them for the world._

"We must stay strong, Shouyou." Asahi continued, "There’s not much we can do now but pray to the ancestors that Daichi will return to us safely." 

Shouyou had a feeling that not even the ancestors could help him now. 

As streaks of pinks and purples dimmed across the sky and the air grew heavy against his skin, everything Shouyou had ever known came crashing down around him. 

It was beautiful.

The world kept on spinning.

* * *

The rain pelted down on Shouyou that night as he left with a scroll in hand and steel in his veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :)


	7. Messages and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shouyou meets tsukkiyama, and gets introduced to noya and tanaka
> 
> lil' bit of oikawa and an explanation on the death penalty surrounding underage military service
> 
> the first kagehina interaction is coming soon, I promise!
> 
> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, y'all!!
> 
> hope all's been well, and hope all your days have been abundant with happiness. 
> 
> thanks for the wait!
> 
> enjoy~

Hoofsteps thundered before coming to a stop, the silence suddenly ringing throughout the valley. 

With a signal, Oikawa Tooru sent a grumbling Kunimi and keen Kindaichi to pull out two cowering men from behind a rock. Seeing his raised brow, Kunimi rolled his eyes as he reported what Tooru already knew. Good. Torru was glad that he was catching up. Kunimi was a smart one.

"Imperial scouts. Two men, hiding behind those boulders at three o'clock.” 

Tooru grinned. This would be fun.

Getting down from his horse, he strode up to the duo cowering on the ground, relishing in the way their eyes widened in recognition. “Oikawa Tooru,” one of them whispered, voice shaky with terror. The teen dropped down one knee so he could be at eye level with the two men, amusement sparking as he watched grown men fearfully flinch away from someone more than a decade younger than them.

“Congrats for finding us. Really, it's a great accomplishment. The people who usually try don't survive.” The sincerity in the grin made it all the more horrifying.

One of the men seemed to gather up some scraps of defiance, although he still kept his distance. Coward. 

“The emperor will stop you,” he spat. 

Oh?

Tooru’s eyebrows rose in mock disbelief, his eyes blowing wide. “Oh, you poor little scout. Haven't you heard? Though, I suppose there wouldn't be anyone still alive to tell you about that. Or, well. Except for the men behind me, I suppose." His grin sharpened. "The thing is, I'm unstoppable. ”

Tense beats passed as he held the gaze of the scout, the valley eerily silent despite the vast army standing in it. Tooru broke eye contact first, waving his hand dismissively. He was rather bored with the ordeal. These men were worthless.

“Go,” he huffed. “Tell the emperor to send his strongest armies, and fast. I'm getting tired of waiting.”

The two men scrambled away like dogs. It was rather funny.

Tooru turned away and idly wandered back to his steed. He combed a coy hand through his hair. He didn’t look back. Didn’t need to.

“Iwa-chan, how many men does it take to deliver a message?” 

The elders never approved of Tooru appointing such young men to be his crew, but the men on the horses around him would always be more trustworthy than any of the pampered dignitaries and advisors the council favored. They'd trained harder, fought harder than anyone else, putting their lives on the line to protect their people. They’d proved themselves time and time again, more than any of those shallow advisors. 

Tooru would trust these men over anybody else, no matter what some prissy elders thought. The crew was more than capable.

Iwaizumi’s eyes glinted in the moonlight as he cocked his bow. 

“One.”

* * *

“Okay, okay. How about this-” Shouyou coughed into his arm and began with a much too deep voice. ”Excuse me, hello. My name is Hinata Shouyou. Where do I log in?” 

Should he use his real name or a fake one? Did it matter? Did you even ‘sign in’ at a military training camp? 

“Oh. Uh, I see that you have a sword. That's fun.” This was going splendidly, wow. Shouyou patted the scabbard hanging at his belt. “I have one too. It's from my house. As your sword probably is, uh. They’re very manly. They're also tough!” The too heavy weapon that he had tried to pull out thumped unceremoniously onto the grass.

Khan did not seem very impressed and Shouyou hid his face in his hands, groaning. “What am I doing? I'm not fooling anyone.” 

It was just like him to not think this plan through before rushing off, and he could already see the amused look on Koushi’s face and the matching one of fond exasperation on Daichi’s. Well he rushed off big time, so maybe a bit less amusement.

Remembering his caretakers reminded him the way he had stormed off last night, and Shouyou’s cheeks heated. He shot a half-hearted glare at the horse who was watching him amusedly. ”Oh hush, you.” 

Yes, he knew what the penalty for underage military service was. Everyone did. Shouyou had been fully aware that he could be punished with death for joining the army without consultation and under the age limit. But even though he had admittedly been brash, Shouyou wouldn’t take back what he’d done. Better him than Daichi. Always. Plus, he was only a couple months off from the legal recruitment age anyways. It was fine. He would be fine. 

Alright, time to do his man walk. Shouyou took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. 

Head up, shoulders high, and- strut.

* * *

He should punch him, right? Was that how men said hello?

“Look, Yamaguchi. Tanaka’s made a friend.” Someone snickered. Shouyou turned and saw two boys around his age behind him, and gawked. The taller one was, well. _T_ _all._ Probably even taller than Asahi.

How was that even possible?

The bald looking guy. _Tanaka,_ he had been called. Whoever he was. The guy Shouyou had previously hit turned to face the tall one and jeered, his face twisting. “Hah? You tryin’ me?" This guy was kind of scary, actually. Maybe Shouyou could call him Scary Dude. "I’ll punch you so hard that it’ll make your grandma dizzy.” 

The blonde didn’t reply and just sighed, turning away. “Guess someone's sensitive,” he called from behind his shoulder. The one he’d called Yamaguchi earlier trailed after him, grinning. 

Tanaka gasped. “Sensitive? Say that to my face, you giant noodle!” He jogged to catch up to the tall person. Man, the length of those steps he took had to have been at least twice the small ones Shouyou made. Tanaka swung a punch towards the blond, who ducked neatly out of the way, seemingly seeing the movement coming in advance.

As Tanaka and the taller one--Shouyou still didn’t know his name, and wasn’t all sure he even wanted to know, someone _that_ tall couldn’t be normal--scuffled, Shouyou made his way to duck away into one of the tents nearby, but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

He turned to acknowledge the freckled-boy behind him.

“Hi! I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi,” he greeted.

“Oh- hey.” Shouyou had thought the group forgot about him. Oh well. “I’m Hinata Shouyou, nice to meet you.”

“Yep, me too! That’s Tsukki,” Yamaguchi gestured towards the blonde who was still arguing with Tanaka a couple of steps off. “Oh--Tsukishima. We’ve been friends for a while, so I call him Tsukki.” He explained, giving a sheepish chuckle before asking, “Are you a new recruit too?”

Oh, guess he knew the limp noodle’s name now, and _oh_. There were others too. 

Shouyou exhaled in relief, his shoulders untensing a bit. “Oh man, I was so worried I’d be the only newbie.” Now those worries had eased, he brightened up and smiled at Yamaguchi. 

“Yeah, I came as a recruit instead of my father. His knees weren’t good to go out and fight, and with winter so soon...” He trailed off. 

From experience, it was always easier to just call Daichi his father than to go into the complicated nature of their relationship, though Shouyou supposed Yamaguchi seemed nice enough to understand. 

Yamaguchi nodded sagely before starting, seeming to remember something. “Oh, have you eaten yet?”

“Wait, there’s food?” 

* * *

As they walked towards the kitchens, Shouyou’s stomach growled, reminding him of his riding through the night. “--I’m actually here apprenticing under the head cook,” Yamaguchi said. “You see where those guys are getting in line?”  
  
“Oh, yeah.”

“Wait there with them and we’ll bring out lunch shortly, I’m pretty sure it’s almost done.” 

As Shouyou watched Yamaguchi retreat into the kitchen, he felt the rest of the tightness in his chest ease. Maybe he’d be okay. Everything hadn’t gone to shit yet, and some of the guys seemed pretty nice. Maybe he’d really be okay, and there was food too. He might even come home after all this a bette--

“Hey, look. It’s the newbie from earlier.”

Shouyou nearly jumped out of his skin. Well, he did jump. Quite literally, springing several feet into the air. But he didn’t land on the grass like he expected. He froze, gawking at his feet that were somehow hovering above the ground.

What?

“Woah, there.” Wait, who had caught him? 

Craning his head around to see who had picked him up, he identified the tough looking guy as Tanaka from earlier. Well, that was fun. “Yeah! Nice catch, Ryuu!” 

Glancing off to the side to see the owner of the voice, Shouyou did a double-take, blinking. He must be seeing things.

Someone was _shorter_ than him?

Seeing his stare, the boy who’d punched his hand into the air glared at him accusingly. “What’re you looking at? Wanna fight?”

“Oh, no! It’s just, uh. You’re shorter than me!”

Not that the other boy could probably tell, with him still hanging from Tanaka’s arms like a clothing hanger. He tapped Tanaka’s arms and hopped out of the hold, glad to be on solid ground again.

The shorter--he could _finally_ say someone was shorter--guy looked at him defensively,“Got a problem?”

“No, of course not!” For the first time, Shouyou had to look down to meet the other boy’s eyes. He could’ve cried.

“Actually, the opposite of that. How tall are you? Is this your first time in the military? How’d you get recruited? Who are you?” As Shouyou began babbling about how cool it was to find someone like him, the other boy cut him off. 

“Who am I?” He gasped, looking incredulous. “Who am I? I am the astounding, astonishing-”

Behind him, Tsukishima stifled a snicker.

“- absolutely amazing Nishinoya Yuu,” hefinished off, shooting Tsukishima a glare. “You can call me Noya, though. This’ll be my first official rotation in the army, but I was a recruit for a couple weeks last time too, near the end. What’s your name, kid?”

“I’m Hinata Shouyou. I’m a new recruit, so I’ll be relying on you to show me the ropes, Nishinoya-senpai!”

Noya went very still. 

Oh no. Did he do something wrong? 

“You. Senpai.” He began, voice low, almost inaudible. “Kid." Okay, Shouyou knew he had a baby face, but that was a bit offensive. "After we finish training, I’ll treat you to tea, alright?”

What?

“I’m your senpai, after all." Noya gave a sage nod. He seemingly recovered from whatever possession just happened to him. Huh. Well, free tea was always a good thing, so Shouyou shrugged and went along with it. Nishinoya seemed fun.

“I like that passion of yours, so I’ll help you out. I’m such a great senpai, aren’t I? Call me Noya-senpai!”

“Noya senpai?”

“Again, with more feeling.”

“Noya-senpai!”

Their laughter echoed in the clearing, clear and bright.

* * *

“The Huns have been here,” Ukai pointed to a spot on the map laying before him, “And also attacked these fields. I will lead the trained troops up to the Tung Shao Pass before Oikawa can destroy this village.” He gestured again to a small depiction of a house on the map. Tobio nodded in agreement. That was a good strategy.

“You will train the new recruits for around 8 weeks or so. I'll hold ground until Washijo deems you ready,” He picked up a sword from behind him and placed it in Tobio’s hands, “And then, you can join us as a Captain.”

Captain?

Tobio looked up at him, eyes wide.

“Ukai, he's so young. Are you sure it would be wise to appoint Kageyama to--” The advisor began to protest. Normally, Tobio would have been annoyed by the outburst, but he was too preoccupied with staring at Ukai in shock to spare any emotion.

“Tobio's the most skilled strategist I've ever met. Sharp as a sword, quick as a whip.” Ukai stroked his chin, looking off into the distance. “And not without an impressive military background.” He winked, eyes glittering with amusement. “He'll do great.”

“This is amazing, and I promise I won't let you down. I'll work hard. Harder than I've ever worked before. This is, I mean-" Tobio began. He sputtered for a moment before he caught himself and coughed. He straightened his posture and met Ukai's approving gaze. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“Great. Next time we meet, it shall be back in our glorious imperial city as we toast China's victory.”

Before leaving, Tobio paused at the opening of the tent. Captain Kageyama Tobio-- that was his title now. He had to live up to it.

Gathering his resolve, he opened the flap of the tent, stepping into the training grounds.. He wouldn’t let Ukai down. Time to get to wo-

Why were those recruits covered in porridge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> archer!iwaizumi is my new favorite thing  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> I'd love to hear your critique/ideas so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :)


	8. Captains and Conscriptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and that's a wrap on the first kagehina interaction lol
> 
> shouyou realizes that he is a very gay and very dumb dumbass
> 
> also enter some shimizu?? god is a woman and her name is kiyoko lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola!! sorry for the wait, and I hope your days will/have been abundant with joy  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> enjoy~

“I don’t need anyone causing trouble here, least of all a new recruit like you."

“Sorry.” The boy below him had the audacity to look sheepish, and Tobio stopped for a moment. He towered over a whole head taller than the kid. 

The kid seemed to remember something, and coughed awkwardly before continuing, “Uh. I mean, whoops. Silly old me, tripping in something slippery. And then running into someone. And then accidentally starting a fight.” He laughed awkwardly. “But, uh, you know how it is. When you're just-- too manly, eh? My manliness was just overflowing today,” he said, and punched Tobio on the shoulder, his voice obviously too deep for someone his age.

What the hell was this kid doing?

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, uh. I, uh-” The boy stuttered, his voice suddenly higher but more natural than before. “Shouy- Hinata Shouyou! My name is Hinata Shouyou.”

“In your hand. Is that your conscription notice?”

The boy nodded, handing it over to him. Tobio scanned over the familiar format. He'd written most of these lines a couple days ago as they had traveled to Miyagi--it was the general format for all the conscription letters sent out. As he reached the line he needed, his eyes widened. “Sawamura? Didn't you just say your surname was Hinata?”

Advisor Washijo looked up from his ink. “Sawamura? I didn’t know he had a son.”

“Hinata is, uh. My mother's surname. And Sawamura Daichi, my caretaker, he. He doesn't talk about me very often?” Hinata ended his sentence on a question. It didn't surprise Tobio that he wasn't spoken of. Behind Hinata, a couple men stood, mouths gaping and eyes wide. Sawamura was a well known name in this province, after all. A name to be respected. But his son, however...

Did this kid have any idea what he was doing?

* * *

Tanaka and Nishinoya had cornered Shouyou after lunch. 

Noya's eyes gleamed, a cat moments away from pouncing on it's prey. “Shouyou."

"Hi, Noya. Uh, what seems to be the problem?" Peering up at Tanaka but not Nishinoya--for the first time he wasn't looking up at someone as they talked to him--Shouyou felt like a mouse caught in a mousetrap. 

"How do you know Daichi? I want details,” Tanaka cut in.

“Yeah. I never even knew Daichi had a son," Noya continued. He side-eyed Shouyou, looking suspicious. "Isn’t he with Suga anyways? I wonder how that worked out.” Noya waggled his eyebrows, expression lightening. Simultaneously, he and Tanaka shared a mischievous look.

These two knew Daichi and Koushi? How--

Wait. 

Tanaka and Nishinoya.

The realization that the two standing before him were the same feisty recruits from Koushi’s stories slapped Shouyou obviously in the face. He cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. It made a lot of sense-- their personalities, names and the little background that Noya had told him previously all matched perfectly with the timeline.

“It's you guys! Suga talked about all the trouble you guys got into all the time. I have so many stories from your recruitment days. Like that one time when you guys blew the wig off of the commander’s head becau--mmph! ” Tanaka scrambled to shove his hand over Shouyou’s mouth, cutting him off. Behind him, Noya roared with laughter.

But wait. Shouyou removed the hand from his mouth. Tanaka gave him an apologetic smile, shoulders curved sheepishly.

"Sorry, Hinata."

"Oh, it's fine." Shouyou had already moved on to the next thing. “Tanaka, if you guys are here and the same people from those stories--is Shimizu still here too?”

Noya let out a gasp. “Shouyou, Kiyoko is the most beautiful woman in this camp. Probably the most beautiful in the world. No, she actually is, not just probably. She's definitely that beautiful, and you’re addressing her with such disrespect. Show her the honor she deserves!”

“Ah, sorry?” What was he apologizing for, though? Oh well.

* * *

It was Koushi’s kid. 

Kiyoko didn’t need to see any conscription notice to tell-- it would have been undeniable to anyone who’d ever interacted with the couple. Suga’s dismissive wave of his own injuries and problems, the steady way Daichi stood strong and reduced to break eye contact. Shouyou may not have been biologically related to either of the two, but it was unmistakable. This was the same kid from their letters.

And he was exactly that-- a _kid._

Kiyoko had gotten frequent updates throughout the last couple years from Asahi and Koushi, keeping her up to date on Daichi’s injury and the comings and goings of the Sawamuras. The Shouyou from Koushi’s letters was brash, excitable, and young.

Too young to be a recruit. So why was he here?

Oh. Oh no.

The _penalty._ What was Shouyou thinking, coming out here? 

But she knew, because it was the exact thing that either of his wonderful, wonderful parents would have done in his place. The same thing she no doubt would have done as well. He came so Daichi didn't have to. But knowing why he came didn't ease the worry that was building in her chest as she watched Shouyou jump up and down while chatting amicably with Yachi.

Did this kid have any idea what he was doing?

* * *

“Soldiers.”

The previous chattering clearing fell silent at Kageyama's call. Shouyou followed suit as the recruits scrambled into a line, postures stiffening in turn as they were trained under the Captain's judgmental stare.

“All of you will come here at seven in the morning, every morning,” Kageyama said, turning away from them to pull out a pair of staffs from a basket and removing his--woah woah woah, wait. 

His shirt?

Shouyou quickly glanced away from Kageyama’s abs. He felt the heat rise to his face but wasn't able to see the red coloring his cheekbones. From the concerned nudge that he gave him, though, Nishinoya did. Desperately, Shouyou tried to quell the rising panic he felt. This was fine. He would be fine.

“Anyone who fails to do so will answer to me,” Kageyama continued, seemingly unaware of Shouyou and his ongoing mental breakdown. 

“Thinks he's a tough guy, doesn't he,” Tanaka said from beside him. Gratefully, Shouyou snickered along with him, panic momentarily forgotten. 

"Tanaka."

Understandably, Tanaka froze as the captain cocked an arrow at his head. The clearing hushed in anticipation before Kageyama redirected and fired his bow. “You see the arrow up there? Go get it.” 

“Alright." Tanaka's attitude wasn't at all deterred by the high mast looming before them. "I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy.” He thought Kageyama was pretty? Did he also-- “And I’ll do it with my shirt on,” Tanaka muttered. 

Maybe not, then.

Shouyou didn’t mind the fact that Kageyama’s shirt was off, but he’d burn himself alive before he ever told the captain. So what if he was still angry for the captain snapping at him yesterday?

There was definitely a better way to handle the situation without being so mean. Fuck Kageyama and his stupid abs and pretty eyes. No, really, his eyes were unfairly pretty. Looking into them had made Shouyou dizzy yesterday, but in a good way, his stomach flipping as he met that blue gaze, filled with an unspoken challang- nope. Nope. Shut up, brain. 

Yeah. Fuck Kageyama.

* * *

Tobio gave a weary sigh as he watched yet another soldier tumble down the pole. Ancestors, these guys had a long, long way to go. Maybe too long. He wanted to make Keishin proud. He could whip these men into shape--he would.

Time to get down to business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Yea, Fuck Kageyama."
> 
> wouldn't you like to do that, pretty boy
> 
> ahflhfdlhl lmao  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments :) Thanks for reading!!


	9. Blood and Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This whole situation caught him entirely off guard, and Tobio just stood there for a moment, surrounded by naked people, not knowing what to do. 
> 
> He turned around, his cheeks suddenly red and his heart thoroughly startled, and said, “Uh- I’ll just bathe later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> training montage, anyone?  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> but hello, hello!!  
> it's been a bit longer than I anticipated for this update but we're almost done with Arc I, so woohoo  
> this story?? has roughly 800 hits?? never really thought that anybody would be into my garbage but here we are  
> but speaking of that garbage- enjoy the newest chapter!

Shouyou flopped down onto the cushion in the infirmary, Yachi shooting him a sympathetic look from where she was bandaging one of Yamaguchi’s burns. Tsukishima dropping a beetle down his shirt hadn’t been fun either- his ankle was still sore from the awkward angle he had landed it on. Yamaguchi didn’t even do anything to stop him, the traitor. Honestly, it shouldn’t even be legal to be that tall. Why couldn’t the ancestors have given him some of Tsukishima’s height? A couple more centimeters wouldn't have hurt anyone.

Laying down on his cushion, Shouyou stared at the fabric ceiling of the tent, a sudden wave of unnameable emotion washing over him.

When he'd first been brought Sawamura estate, he hadn't slept well. That was an understatement, really. Shouyou would wake up swimming in his bed, screaming and drowning in the flood of sheets. 

At first, he'd tried to hide it. Suga and Daichi had been overwhelmingly gentle towards him those first few months, and a part of him wandered through their comforting words and lingering glaces in an almost dream-like state. He hadn't really believed what was happening, and he hadn't wanted to burden anyone further. Wasn't even sure he could manage to describe what was going on with him anyway.

Eventually, it had been Asahi who had noticed. He had padded into Shouyou's bedroom and sat on the floor, sleepy-eyed. The first three nights, he had stayed there the entire time. A couple times after that, he climbed into bed with him. After three weeks, Asahi held him, quietly murmuring through the darkness. Despite his quiet nature, there was a brute strength to his gentleness. He was a steel wall, crude and a bit rusty at the edges, but impenetrable.

Sometimes, Koushi would join them. That was where the storytelling began. After he had finished talking about his recuitment days, Koushi told him about forgotten gods and ancient zodiacs who were hiding among the stars. Shouyou peer up at the darkening sky, mesmerized, the stars hanging over them like overripe apples from the fruit tree. He would sit there, grinning like an idiot up at the lights. Well, until Daichi had come to scold him and Koushi for pulling an all-nighter.

Their house had always been slow to wake because of their long nights staying up. But one morning, they'd all gotten up early. Koushi, Asahi, and Daichi. Just for him.

Shouyou closed his eyes, and he saw the scene as if it were happening right in front of him. The four of them, sweaty and cramped for space on Shouyou's bed, Asahi's long limbs stretching into a determined curve as he reached to the ceiling to paint one little star next to the other. The sun had barely risen, peeking over the clouds and cupping their profiles in a warm, hazy gold.

He wished more than anything he could've said that the nightmares went away after that. But the nightmares came as they always did, in much the same way that the chores you didn't want to do came. You go to eat dinner, hoping that perhaps the horse may just not poop, and you wouldn't have to go dispose of it--but when you go and check the stables, there it is. Manure, stinky and unwelcome. The nightmares didn't go away, but they definitely hadn't been as bad. Eventually, Shouyou had told Koushi and the others that he would be fine. And he was, spending his nights staying up and counting the constellations, an entire ceiling of his own private universe. 

Now, the ceiling that hung over Shouyou's head was tan and bare.

He didn't know why he suddenly remembered his ceiling or why his eyes suddenly blurred. The stars had needed another coat of paint soon, and on the night that he had left, Shouyou hadn't bothered to check if they had completely disappeared or not. Now, he wish he had. He blinked, and the swell of emotion was pushed back a bit, turning his mind towards more inconsequential things.

Shouyou hadn’t skipped out of physical training back when he was in the village, and he hadn’t really known how to train anyways, but this was next level. Koushi hadn't said anything about that. Seriously, it was insane. How could the captain balance a full bucket of water on his head and dodge the stones thrown at them, _while_ doing a backflip?

Business his ass.

* * *

Shouyou wanted to punch something. Four weeks in, and this guy dismisses him just like that because he tripped. 

Dramatic much?

Honestly, this was a great chance. This was the opportunity he should take advantage of. He could go home. It would be so easy. 

But alas, because he was a dumbass, Shouyou did not go home.

Woohoo.

* * *

“Holy _shit.”_

“What? What is it,” Kei grumbled. His back was still sore from the battle training the recruits did last afternoon, and he winced as he shifted to sit up.

“Just come out and look, Tsukki. _Hinata_ , he--”

Grumbling, Kei trudged out of the tent and ducked his head under the flap, rubbing at his eyes. It was way too early to be awake, honestly. The sun was barely even up. He would never get used to it the way Yamaguchi ha--

There, on top of the pole that no one in the recruits--even the experienced ones--could climb, sat _Hinata Shouyou_.

Holy shit.

Kei was pretty sure his brain stopped computing for a second. 

“I _know.”_

Oh, he said that aloud. 

* * *

As the days passed by, Tobio would find himself with a smile on his face, albeit oftentimes an exasperated one. He was smiling and laughing with his friends--he had _friends_ now--rolling on the grass at something stupid one of them did, chest aching from the huffs and puffs they wheezed out. It was the first time he’d fought side by side with people like this. 

The first time he trusted people to fight side by side with him.

He’d never let himself tap into these possibilities before. He didn’t dare to. He had been determined to stay distant from this group, and now… He wouldn’t say that nothing changed. Something definitely had changed, and he wasn’t all too sure it was something he deserv--Tobio snapped himself out of his thoughts as Nishinoya tapped him on the shoulder.

It was dimming and nearing dusk, oranges and purples streaking across the sky. Taken out of his thoughts, Tobio glanced over at his tent, wondering if he should take his night clothes to the bath later- the recruits had just finished dinner. But before he could voice the thought, Nishinoya had grabbed his hand and was pulling him towards the pools, chattering on the way.

Tobio almost jerked his hand away reflexively, not used to the physical contact. Everyone here was so touchy, and it often surprised him, though it was usually a pleasant surprise.

His stomach dropped when he realized how full the pools were. A good faction of the recruits had gathered in the water, amicably chatting amongst themselves. He scanned over who was present, taking a catalog of all the recruits, and--

Tobio stood still, staring in wordless surprise at Hinata.

Hinata had his arms thrown against the edge of a protruding rock, his bare chest dripping with beads of water, flailing his arms about as he described something to a grinning Yamaguchi. The water was just opaque enough that Tobio couldn’t see into it, but just Hinata's chest and arms were quite enough. 

Tobio had seen them before, obviously- with a bunch of changing guys in a tent, you saw a lot. Before though, back in the city, he had always bathed privately in Ukai’s baths. 

And while the men around him were literally naked, something about the way they were so comfortable with each other, completely bare both physically and emotionally, made Tobio feel like he’d caught Hinata metaphorically naked too. 

This whole situation caught him entirely off guard, and Tobio just stood there for a moment, surrounded by naked people, not knowing what to do. 

He turned around, his cheeks suddenly red and his heart thoroughly startled, and said, “Uh- I’ll just bathe later.” 

And then, at that moment, Hinata Shouyou’s eyes finally decide to notice his presence. 

“What’re you waiting for,” he called. “You afraid?”. 

It was a challenge.

Tobio furiously ripped off his clothes, already regretting what he was doing but refusing to back down. Oh, this was not a good idea, but to hell with it all. Like he was going to back down to that idiot.

The water was cool as he strode into it, a couple of the recruits nearby who had witnessed what had happened hollering and cheering as he waded, his sore muscles tensing before gratefully relaxing.

Hinata only raised a brow. 

Oh, the amount of money Tobio would pay to wipe that stupid look off his face. 

He and Hinata stayed there, much to Yamaguchi’s concern and Tsukishima’s malicious delight but also eventual concern, each refusing to leave before the other. Eventually, the recruits filtered out, dwindling until there were just five people in the pool, then three, and then it was just them.

Hinata was a chatterbox- always effortlessly filling the air with noise and cheer, and Tobio was so, so much quieter in comparison. Tobio didn’t mind that all too much, though. He liked the quiet. He had never been good at talking. 

Maybe that’s why it’s such a surprise to both of them when Tobio himself was the first one to break the silence.

“Sawamura. Sawamura Daichi, he’s your father. But word is that he's with Sugawara Koushi, a medic from his solider days, right? Were you taken, uh- taken in, I mean. By them? Were you taken in by them, uh. Yeah."

"Mmhmm." Hinata's eyes were closed, his head resting on a nearby rock as he relaxed. 

Oh. He was the same as him.

"Why did you come here as a recruit instead of him, then? Surely he would be the better choice with his experience.” That would've been more logical than sending a dumbass like Hinata to war.

“Oh, Daichi, he’s injured," Hinata explained, "And recruitment with that injury would have put him in danger, so we- we, uh, agreed that I should come instead.” He sat upright now, shifting a bit after seemingly noticing Tobio's stare. Whoops.

Tobio nodded, averting his eyes, and said, “Do you regret it?”

“No,” Hinata said immediately, his slight unease from a moment before suddenly gone. “No, never. This is how I can protect my family, and Daichi and Koushi are… I owe them a lot. Everything, really.”

"Is that why? Because you feel like you owe them?"

Hinata considered this question for much longer, his eyes contemplative. Huh. Tobio hadn't even been sure he could think. 

"No, I don't think so. I would have done what I did even if I hadn't felt that Daichi and Koushi deserved a debt. They're, they're just-- they're my family. I love them."

“But… they aren’t really your ‘family’, right? You were taken in by them.” Like Tobio himself was by Ukai. He'd always maintained a certain distance from the general because he wasn't sure how to act correctly around him. He wondered if he should tell Hinata about that, but decided against it. “Do you think that changes anything?”

He relaxed again now, muscles tensing before smoothing out as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the rock. Under the moonlight, the glow made the planes of Hinata’s face look softer, younger. "I mean, I feel like family is something you define yourself, you know? Sure, there’s your birth mother and father, but beyond that, my friends are my family too. So are the Sawamuras. They don’t have to be there for me, and aren’t obligated to in any way. They don’t have to be there for me, don't have to stay with me and care about me, but they do. And I don’t know why they do, but I do know that they always will.” Hinata opened his eyes now, and for a moment, Tobio was pinned down by the depth in his gaze. 

Somehow, underneath the dark night sky, Hinata was more blinding than anything else Tobio had ever seen during the day. “That’s family, and that kind of family is stronger than anything else blood might form.”

“Huh, so you do say something smart every once in a while.”

And just like that, the moment was broken.

“Shut up, Kageyama! I’m always smart.”

“Pfft. Yeah, right,” Tobio scoffed. “Come on, let’s get out of here before you look like a prune, dumbass.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hinata got up and they both went their ways. ‘“Night, Kageyama.”

“Goodnight.” 

Tobio settled in for a long night. There were some things he needed to think about.

* * *

Something caught Tooru’s eye, and he bent down to pick up the doll from the base of the tree. 

Huh.

He walked back into where the troops had set up camp, dropping the doll into a semi-confused looking Kindaichi’s hands. “What do you see?” 

Kunimi pulled the doll out of Kindaichi’s hands, rolling his eyes at the offended squawk from the opposing boy. He combed his fingers through the coarse straw sewn in as hair on top of the doll’s head. 

“Black pine, from the high mountains, and white horse hair, too. Imperial stallions.”

“That’s right. This doll came from a village in the Tung Shao Pass, not too far from here. The imperial army is waiting for us there,” Tooru explained. 

Oh, bless Kunimi and that brain of his- it made his job so much easier. The elders never saw past it, but there was a clever mind behind his blank looks. The deadpan, flat way he spoke made a great asset during negotiations too.

“We can avoid them easily,” Iwaizumi said.

“No. The quickest way to the emperor is through that pass.” From where he came up behind him, Iwaizumi's eyebrows furrowed.

“Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll.”

* * *

“I'm not going to let your troops go fight."

“The recruits completed their training.”

“Your 'recruits' are _children_ ,” he spat, and Tobio felt somehow smaller than Washijo even though he was a whole head taller than him. “You may think you can make decisions, but I'm the emperor's personal council. Don't get all high and mighty just because the General is your father, Kageyama. ”

Tobio didn’t bother correcting him about Ukai.

His parents passed away from sickness a couple months after he had been born, and well- you couldn’t miss what you’ve never had, right? 

But what he did have was his grandfather. Tobio still remembered the days when they would read old military texts in his grandfather's old study, the sunlight warm as they poured over the words, the hours ticking by until it grew too dark outside and the words became too fuzzy to read.

Ukai had taken Tobio and Miwa, his sister, in when his grandfather passed, and at first a part of Tobio couldn’t help but resent the general for it. He knew why Ukai had taken him in. 

Not because he liked Tobio or cared for him like his grandfather did, but purely because he had heard the tales of the young Kageyama Tobio, military strategist extraordinaire. He was bitter in his youth, hatred festering for the world that took his family from him. Tobio was difficult to work under and even more difficult to work with, and for many years he earned a name for himself as the cruel king for his ‘tyrannical’ ways. 

That had hurt, but Tobio hadn’t known how to channel that hurt and deescalate the situation, worsening it. Maybe it was the reminder of that, the way he had used to storm around and glower to get his way, why Tobio felt so hollow as he rushed out of the tent, his shoulders hunched. 

He felt traitorous tears well up, and he quickly wiped at his burning eyes. He thought he had mellowed out and changed, but really- had he? 

“Hey.”

He paused, but didn’t dare turn, because Hinata would do what he always did and see right through whatever expression he would plaster on his face. He'd always been uncannily good at reading him.

“I know that this doesn't mean much, but I think that you're doing great. You’re a good captain, Kageyama.”

Tobio didn’t reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again lmao I'm tired and this chapter is kinda bad but idc anymore
> 
> if you aren't currently doing so, it would be very good for both u and me if u went to go drink some water
> 
> cmon now
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly adored (seriously i'd die for u) but do whatever the hell u want- don't be afraid to provide feedback though, i'd love love love to hear it
> 
> NOW GO DRINK THAT WATER U PROBABLY HAVEN'T HAD YET
> 
> :)


	10. Armor and Ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Come on. You like him, don’t you?” Yachi’s tone was accusing.
> 
> What? Who was she--
> 
> Oh.
> 
> Shouyou laughed. “No, no. Of course not. How could I ever- I don’t like stupid Kageyama.” As if he could ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonjour amigo
> 
> this chapter is disgusting but uh
> 
> here ya go

“Oh, Shouyou," Yachi said, coming behind him.

Shouyou looked away from Kageyama's receding figure. He could see the stars so much clearly out in the field, and it was hard to imagine that the sky above him now was the same one he'd looked at in the village. Looking up, Shouyou felt almost drunk with the dizziness that it brought, the sheer vastness of the sky. He couldn't believe he hadn't ever noticed how beautiful it was. He was ecstatic to be able to see so many stars-- or, well. He should've been. Normally, he would be.

So why did he feel so blank?

"Shouyou?"

"Oh." Shouyou turned, an apologetic curve to his shoulders. He should've been paying more attention. "Sorry, Yachi. What is it?"

“Come on. You likehim, don’t you?” Yachi’s tone was accusing.

What? Who was she--

Oh.

Shouyou laughed. “No, no. Of course not. How could I ever- I don’t like stupid Kageyama.” As if he could ever. Sure, they’d been talking more lately, and he didn’t hate him. But "like" wasn't the word he’d use.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night." Yachi shook her head. “Now back to your tent. Don’t think I don’t see the bruise forming around your eye. Your captain really doesn't pull his punches, huh?

* * *

Hajime sat, huddled around a bustling fire.

For as far back as he could remember, Oikawa had always been standing beside him. Now alone, he felt different. Lesser, almost.

Outside, the sky was turning dusk with the promise of starlight, coming alive with the cricket's chirps and the owl's calls. Dimly, he imagined his ancestors perched atop their ragtag army camp, holding stoic guard over their crew. Perhaps they, like in the tales from his youth, could help him a little. Loosen him up. Help erase the way Hajime now embraced the sting of broken skin and damp, coppery scent of blood compared to before. 

But that was childish, and he had long since grown up.

The sky that had turned into a curtain of immense, inky black, and Hajime tilted his head to shake off the unwelcome feeling. He stared at the stars as if they would explain the answers to the questions he didn't even know how to voice, peering at the silver glow of the moon. She stared back down at him with forgiving, unwavering love, the stars glittering in their unyielding silence.

Looking up, Hajime knew that he'd never be alone even if Oikawa wasn't there. Though Oikawa probably would _always_ be there, but if he wasn't. Hajime could dream, alright? Anyway, Hajime knew, even though it appeared so, he wouldn't ever be alone. Maybe the no ancestors would swoop in to help in his endeavors, and maybe the stories from his childhood would just stay as stories.

But the companionship of the constellations wasn't half bad either. 

* * *

“Do you remember anything from before the Sawamuras?”

The recruits were eating breakfast in the chilly morning, a hint of winter in the crisp air from the night before. Shouyou coughed on his porridge, the question startling him. 

He looked at Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi looked back. “Uh, well, I mean. Kind of? Any reason why you ask?”

“Well, I suppose not. Just wondering, I guess.” Yamaguchi shrugged. “So, do you? Remember anything, I mean.”

“Well, there are these--” How were you supposed to describe it? “--These scenes, I guess. In my head. But they’re all really fuzzy, and I’m not sure if they're just dreams or something.”

“Huh.” Yamaguchi nodded a bit, but Shouyou wasn’t super sure he understood. 

He sometimes caught these slivers of moments, snippets of memories. A soft carding of hair through curls, warm milk with honey by a fire, but they were all blurry, flashing behind his eyelids for a flitting moment before disappearing. Shouyou always tried to reach for it only to pull a blank, left feeling weirdly hollow in somewhere he couldn’t exactly pinpoint was even empty.

Before he could really dwell on it further, though, Kageyama stood up and began the training for the day.

* * *

“Yeah, I’ll bet. You know, the ladies love a man in armor-”

Tanaka froze. 

Looking around, Shouyou realized that they were standing in what had once been a town square. The place was ruined, a lifeless husk. The troops come to halt. It was suddenly silent in the mountains, silent and still, too still. There was nothing. No life.

Just bodies.

_Bodies and fire and ash and home and smoke and-_

Shouyou wanted to throw up.

“Kageyama,” he whispered. Kageyama would know what to do. He was a captain. He would tell Shouyou what to do, and they could leave this place and everything would be fine.

He turned towards Kageyama, but all he did was stand there, eerily still. Next to him, the soldiers looked at each other, their uneasy shuffling being the only sound in the mountain. The valley rang with the crunch of the snow under their boots.

Kageyama snapped suddenly and violently into action. “Go," he ordered. He turned sharply towards the troops. “Search for survivors.”

They looked everywhere, but there was nothing. No life.

Just bodies.

* * *

Tobio didn’t understand.

Ukai should have been here, he should have. But he wasn’t, and Tobio's world came tilting off it's axis. He stood there. Kept standing there, the brief moment stretching into eternity. He watched. What else could he do?

Under the bright sun, the snow stained red and uniforms dried brown, it was almost beautiful.

The world kept on spinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SRY IT'S SO SHORT BUT MORE IS COMING MI AMOUR
> 
> hope ur days are abundant w/ happiness!! 
> 
> (I'd love to hear your critique/criticism so feel free to provide feedback in the comments)


	11. Cowards and Cannons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But if Shimizu had found Shouyou’s cover so easily, then…” The thought struck him, and Asahi felt another wave of panic begin to set in. “Does Shouyou know that she knows?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hola!! hope the past few days have been amazing, and hope the days to come get even better than that
> 
> you deserve it :)
> 
> i hate this chapter (but what else is new, honestly)
> 
> NOW GO DRINK SOME WATER

_Suga,_

_The troops left yesterday morning up towards the mountains. An urgent letter came from the general asking for backup._

_They’ve been officially trained now. Shouyou’s made a couple of friends in camp, his two roommates, who are new recruits: Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Yamaguchi works under the chef in the kitchen. Those two, they aren't unlike you and Daichi, back in the day._

No one knows yet.

_But someone will, and soon. As Shouyou has slowly made these friends, he’s slowly begun to let down his guard. You’ve already told me about what’s going on with the Sawamuras and how worried you and Daichi are, so we’re going to skip over that for now. How’s he holding up, by the way? Daichi. The winter season coming up will bring more aches into that leg of his- make sure to compress it.Though of course, you already know that._

_Stay safe,_

_Shimizu Kiyoko_

* * *

Keishin. Keishin, he- no. No. 

There were more important matters to deal with, like the incoming war. Tobio pushed everything down, so far down he couldn’t feel it anymore. He stepped up and mounted his steed.

“The Huns are moving quickly, and by now you all probably know that Oikawa Tooru is their leader. There's no time to waste. We need to head to the Imperial City, and the fastest way is through that pass over there.” Tobio gestured towards the mountain range in the distance. 

He didn’t mention how the Huns had most likely taken that path as well, and that their opponent had already wiped out a regime bigger than the one the recruits made up. He didn't mention their chances. Those chances, they were…

“Alright, men.” Tobio met the trusting gazes of his troops. "Let's stop this war."

They were the only hope for the emperor now.

* * *

Asahi paced in the room. 

How was Shouyou doing with training? Was it hard? Had he gotten injured? How was he healing, if he had? Had he made any friends?

Oh, ancestors, this was bad. This was-

“Az. I can hear you overthinking from two rooms over,” Koushi said, walking into the room and promptly interrupting Asahi’s incoming panic. Daichi wasn’t home, out handling some business, but his worry was just as potent, if a bit more subdued than Asahi's.

“Oh- sorry.”

Suga shook his head. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I understand, and I know you're worried. I am too.” And he was. The trio had spent many of the past nights agonizing over the current situation. If they didn’t go, Shouyou could be killed.

But if they did, Shouyou would be.

“Shimizu’s been keeping an eye on Shouyou. You remember her? She was there when Daichi and I had our wedding and I worked with her as a medic.” 

Asahi nodded. He remembered the pretty lady from that night. She had been quiet, but when she did speak her words were knowledgeable and the way she spoke them was calm.

“But if Shimizu had found Shouyou’s cover so easily, then…” The thought struck him, and Asahi felt another wave of panic begin to set in. “Does Shouyou know that she knows?”

“No.” As always, Koushi came to his rescue. “Shimizu only knows because I wrote to her about Shouyou, his age, and the teller before she had met him. She’s been making sure that Shouyou doesn't blow his cover.”

Oh, okay. “Are you still writing to her?”

“Yeah. A letter just came in, actually. Shimizu checks in with me and I update her every two weeks or so- and the news is usually good. ”

Asahi just hoped it stayed that way.

* * *

“If we die today, know that I am proud of all of you. You've come so far, and it is my greatest honor to fight alongside you.”

Pfft. Honor? Shouyou had never even had a scrap of that. 

“Tanaka. You see the guy with the helmet on the horse? Northwest. Yes, there. That's Oikawa," Kageyama said, pointing towards the horse racing towards their ranks. Tanaka's eyes widened. "Get the last cannon and aim it at him-- you can do it.” 

Shouyou looked down at his sword, heart thundering in his ears.

Or maybe that was the incoming stampede from the arm charging them. He didn’t know. 

Was this really how he was going to go? He stared at his reflection. He had filled out a bit, gained some lean muscle. He still looked relatively the same, though. Did Daichi's body change after his recruitment? He probably did. If he and Suga saw him, would they recognize him? Shouyou looked different, but not that different, so they most likely would.

Would they be proud of him? 

No, probably not. Not with him dishonoring the family. Not with running off the way he did, like a cowar-

Shouyou paused.

_The reflection._

* * *

Tobio watched as Hinata pointed the cannon not at Oikawa, but _upwards_. 

Ancestors, how could he miss? What an actual dumbass. 

The general of the Huns was right here and Hinata pointed it _away_ from him? He was only three feet away from him. How could he be so-

The mountain rumbled.

It was all Tobio could do to stand and watch as white, icy snow roared down the mountain.

It poured over the valley, engulfing the incoming troops as the tidal wave of snow picked up speed and rushed through the plain. Tobio turned, and shouted towards the men behind him. Most of which were standing and staring at the avalanche, shell shocked. “Go. Get behind something!”

The recruits scrambled towards a rock jutting out from the snow, Tobio following as they ducked behind it for shelter.

What a smart, smart dumbass.

* * *

“Hinata, you are the craziest, stupidest person I've ever met,” Kageyama lectured.

Shouyou winced. Yeah, he didn’t make a super great decision.

“And becuase of you, I'm still alive. I owe you a life debt.” 

Oh. That was cool, but also a bit scary. No one had ever owed Shouyou their _life_ before. Actually, that didn't sound like too much of a great idea.

His thought was cut off, however, as he glanced towards the sharp gasp on his left. He furrowed his brows. “What? What is it?” 

Tanaka’s eyes were wide as he pointed a trembling finger towards him.

Right at the expanding red on Shouyou's hip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god is a woman and her name is kiyoko
> 
> i don't make the rules ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	12. Silence and Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh basically the plot advances some more
> 
> yes
> 
> tobio is bad at socialization but i love him i promise
> 
> also there are some cheesy kagehina interactions so yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi
> 
> turns out i'm alive

Tobio’s feet pounded as he went ran, blades of grass grazing his ankles and dusting them with morning dew. He allowed himself to finally process what had happened as he instinctively jogged around a bend. What had gone down, who was gone.

He went through his memorized routine, his body falling into place as his heartbeat rose into a familiar, off-key staccato. Yamaguchi had greeted him earlier, looking slightly bewildered to see the captain so early after the late night he’d just had, but Tobio’s athleticism didn’t happen from sleeping in. Muscles didn’t come from sleeping in late, after all. 

Hinata was still in the infirmary with his wound, but Yamaguchi had notified Tobio that he was coherent now. after finally breaking his fever yesterday afternoon. Tobio hadn’t gone to see him yet. As he toyed with the idea of visiting Hinata later in the afternoon, the words he had said a couple nights ago on the mountain gave a phantom echo in his ears. 

A life debt. Seriously?

Even though Hinata had saved his life, he didn’t _only_ save Tobio’s. The other recruits had a ‘life debt’ as well. The heated words had been awfully emotional, and Tobio cursed the ancestors for dramatic teenage hormones. 

Grabbing a cloth and wiped at the sweat beading on his brow, he wondered if he was just overthinking this whole thing. Probably. 

* * *

Shouyou winced. 

“Yachi, that stings,” he whined. He shot a half-hearted glower towards Yachi, who was sterilizing his stitches. 

She just kept dabbing gently around his wound. “That’s what you get for getting shot with an arrow.”

“I couldn’t help it,” Shouyou protested, feeling a bit like he had to defend himself. It wasn’t like he asked for the Hun army to aim an arrow in his hip.

“Yeah, I know,” Yachi admitted. “Doesn’t stop me from worrying.” She gave a long sigh. “Trouble just seems to find you, Shouyou.” 

The past few days had been a bleary haze. He’d finally stabilized yesterday afternoon, and it was nice to remember the last hour of his life and not have it filled with agony.Yachi had told him that he had tried to walk around the first time he’d woken up a couple hours after his injury, only to tear his wound and collapse. It seemed exactly like the stupid thing he’d do, and Shouyou had chuckled before seeing the way Yachi had looked away. 

He had been inches away from death then, he realized.

It wasn’t really something to joke about.

When he’d tried to remember what Yachi described, though, Shouyou’s mind only dredged up a blur of muted pain. He didn’t even remember how he’d gotten down the mountain. A grumbling Tsukishima had told him about how he had to carry him to a horse, though.

That was fun. Shouyou kind of wished he’d been there to see that. It would have been hilarious-- well, if he hadn’t had an arrow in his side. His brush with death hadn’t really settled in, even though he had been briefed multiple times on the gash in his side by Shimizu already. It felt almost like a dream. 

And speak of Cao, there Cao comes. “Stop squirming, Hinata. If you pull those sutures you’ll get infected,” Shimizu called, walking past his cot.

Oops.

* * *

“Kageyama,” Hinata called. He ran towards Tobio.

Shit. Shit. What would he say? Shit, okay. Okay, stay calm. He could do this.

“Um,” Tobio said smartly. 

Oh, how could he have forgotten? Tobio was a complete social failure.

Hinata smiled. “It’s good to see you. I feel like it’s been forever-- you never visited while I was still on bedrest.”

Tobio looked away. He hadn’t gotten the courage to visit Hinata and talk about everything going on, instead spending his time wallowing in worry. Yes, he’d had a great last few days. Couldn’t you tell?

“And Yachi kept redoing my stitches and bandages,” Hinata said. He was rambling, and Tobio felt a bit guilty that he missed the first chunk of it while he panicked. Ancestors, he was glad Hinata was back. “Honestly, how many times do you have to change bandages a day? She did it at least a million times, I swear.” 

Hinata looked up at him, just then, as if seeking out his gaze to see if Tobio was still listening to him. He grinned. “I meant what I said earlier, you know. Even though Yachi and Shimizu were there, it was lonely up in the tent. I missed you, Kageyama.” 

Tobio froze.

“You missed me?’ 

Hinata’s smile didn't waver despite Tobio’s obvious exposing of himself as a social outcast. “Yeah. I’d like to think we’re friends, you know. Maybe not a couple weeks ago, but now, I'd say we're pretty close.” Hinata looked up at him now, eyes inquisitive. Maybe a little shy, even. “Don’t you?”

“Oh,” Tobio said. He should say more than that. How did they usually interact again? “Of course we’re friends. Dumbass.” 

Yes, there we go. Everything was fine now.

“I’m not dumb,” Hinata mumbled. Were his ears red? Tobio almost turned his head to get a better look at the boy below him, but he was cut off as Nishinoya suddenly pounced on top of Hinata.

“Shouyou! It’s been so long.” 

Honestly, Tobio was surprised Hinata’s arms could hold him like that. Despite being short, Nishinoya was pretty heavy. “Noya, hello! I’ve missed you.” Tobio let his previously tight shoulders untense. 

Yes. Everything was finally fine.

* * *

“I beat you,” Tobio said breathlessly. 

The dying chirps of the crickets was their only accompaniment as they panted, chests rising and falling in tandem. 

“You wish,” Hinata said, equally as breathless. 

They’d raced across the empty training clearing. Most had already head off to bed with the darkening sky, and the others littered around the openings of tents and the dying hearth, basking in the lingering heat of the coals.

Under the soft glow of the moon, Hinata’s hair a halo illuminated by light, he looked almost like an angel. Almost like that night in the baths.

Tobio glanced away.

“You know,” he blurted, not even sure what he was trying to say. “Oikawa, the general. Of, uh. Of the Huns, you know.” Ancestors, please help him. “The rumor surrounding his legacy is that the armies he takes to battle go willingly. He’s charming despite his brutality and anyone who meets him, likes him.” So he was baring his soul today. Alright. Tobio’s breath stuttered. “Unlike me.”

“Kageyama--”

“I had looked up to him once,” Tobio admitted, feeling the rise of shame in his veins. “I’ve never really had friends, and I’m bad with people. Honestly, the only thing I am good at is military strategy and fighting. And the friends I have now-- I have friends, for reasons that only the ancestors know. I wanted what Oikawa had-- to be listened to. And now I am.” He took a deep breath, glancing at Hinata. “The cohort, and you. My friends listen to me. 

“And that’s the thing, you know? I’m awful. I looked up to the general who almost killed you.” He saw the understanding and trust in Hinata’s eyes. The trust he didn’t really deserve. “The only thing I’m good at is learning and teaching to kill. What does that say about me? About you, for being around me?” 

He suddenly couldn’t meet Hinata’s gaze. 

“You probably think I’m useless, really.”

* * *

Shouyou stared at Kageyama. He was quiet for a long time.

“Okay,” he finally said. Kageyama startled a bit at the noise, and Shouyou probably would’ve laughed at him for doing so if it was any other situation. “Okay,” He repeated. 

Shouyou took a deep breath. He wanted to say this right. 

“Let’s not jump to conclusions before asking the other person’s opinion. Let’s get something straight-- first of all, I don’t think you're useless.” Kageyama’s startled eyes darted towards him. Finally. “Second of all, no one does. If they do, then I’ll fight them.”

“You can’t beat anyone in a fight, idiot.”

“Yes I can,” Shouyou retorted, pretty much on reflex. “But that’s not what I’m trying to say. Third of all, Oikawa should die. He's _already_ dead. Wait, that's kind of rude. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "But that's not the point. I saw Oikawa. I looked right at his face and I’m not in love with him. I even shot a cannon at him. You say he almost killed me? Well, he didn’t. Here I am. And I know it’s not our thing, but listen to this next part, okay? You can forget it or whatever later.” 

Shouyou would definitely regret this later, but oh well. You only live once. 

He turned to stand in front of Kageyama, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re strong, Kageyama. Really, really strong. You’re the youngest military captain in decades, and your combative technique and skill is amazing. If you can’t believe yourself, then believe me, okay? Kageyama, you’re amazing. I promise. Anyone who doesn't see it is an idiot.”

Well. That was a lot. Maybe staying socially secluded for so long destroyed his filter. 

Shouyou tilted his head to look at the stars, hoping it was dark enough that Kageyama couldn't see the rising color on his cheeks. Trying to divert Kageyama's attention from anything that wasn't _yeah, by the way, even though I insult you all the time, I think you're actually fantastic_ , his mind raced for another topic.

“Uhm. You remember us talking about Daichi?" This was familiar territory. Out of the corner of his eye, Shouyou saw Kageyama nod. "He took me in when I was a kid, but I don’t really remember anything before when he did that. He and Koushi--Sugawara, I guess--said they'd found me in among some debris a couple years ago after my village had fallen. Well, they thought it had been my village.” 

Back then, he had been six, maybe? Almost seven.

Shouyou took a deep breath. Spilling his entire family history. Okay. This was pretty bad, but not _as_ bad as telling Kageyama that he actually appreciated him as a friend. He gathered his courage and looked back into Kageyama’s startled blue eyes.

“The general.” Oh, was this maybe too soon? Kageyama’s demeanor remained relatively calm, but Shouyou wasn’t sure. “Can I ask about him, or?” Kageyama nodded. Good, this was fine. Okay. “Ukai, right? Did Ukai take you in too?” 

_Are you like me?_

It was quiet for a few moments before Kageyama finally murmured, voice quiet, “Yeah. Me and my sister, Miwa.”

“Ah. I have a sister too,” Shouyou said, not really paying attention to what he was saying. 

Wait. 

He stopped. He didn’t have a sister.

Did he?

Shouyou couldn’t hear as the world roared, phantoms from his past coming up to haunt him. The dim light- _-fire and ashes and bodies and nonono--_ highlighted Kageyama’s face, carving the dips of his brows and the curves of his lashes. He looked like an angel. 

Ancestors, he thought he was past this. 

Shouyou jumped up, standing so quickly that Kageyama almost fell off the log he had been sitting on, startled. He knew he needed to clear his head, and he knew exactly how to do it.

“C’mon, let’s race again.”

* * *

It was nice, finally going back to normal. 

Tsukishima insulted everyone, and Yamaguchi would usually apologize for the particularly bad insults shortly after. Noya was as manly as ever, and Kageyama and Shouyou bickered. Time passed, the days getting shorter and nights longer as the air turned brisk. 

Something uninvited lingered, though. Forgotten memories rose up, pushing through the surface and hanging about in the occasional empty silences. It was a faint itch, unwelcome but not strong enough in its presence to pinpoint the exact location of the problem. 

It was maddening.

He shook it off most of the time, though. Shouyou couldn’t afford to stay distracted, after all. He was already behind in terms of skill and experience, and even though the worst part was over, he still had a long way to go. He could feel time ticking by, his inner clock counting down closer and closer to zero. In the background, tension winding in a corner of his mind.

For the first time in a while, everything was some semblance of peaceful. It was nice and calm and quiet. 

But almost too quiet.

* * *

“Captain,” Washijo called. 

“What is it?” Standing next to Shouyou, Kageyama turned to face the advisor.

The morning was cold and sunny, which was a strange combination. Clouds were beginning to roll in, though, and the sunlight wasn’t so harsh. The day had been good. Kageyama had told him yesterday that he was planning on heading back towards the city soon. Shouyou’s service time was almost over, and he wondered if he should feel more accomplished than he did. 

“Captain,” Washijo said again, slightly out of breath. He must have had to run here, but for what? “Listen to this.” Kageyama gave Washijo his attention fully now, and Shouyou found himself looking up towards him as well. 

In his hand was a letter, and he began to read. 

"Shimizu,” Washijo began. A group began to gather around his voice. “I’m glad to hear that Shouyou’s dilemma is under control.” Shouyou tensed. Kageyama glanced towards him, and he tried to give him a shrug, giving a halfhearted smile. He was pretty sure it didn’t work. “I have no idea what kind of punishment he might face if the captain of his troop found out about him being underage.” Washijo said, looking up from the paper. 

Shouyou’s world went silent.

Washijo looked at Kageyama, who had gone startling still. Noya's eyes widened and Yamaguchi stumbled, taking a step back. Tsukishima's face went slack. Tanaka shouted something that he couldn't hear.

All the while, there was only silence.

* * *

Tobio watched. What else could he do? 

The world roared. 

“I knew there was something wrong about you." Washijo pointed an accusatory finger at Hinata. What nonsense. No one had ever suspected Hinata of everything. Or, well. Tobio never had, at least. 

Hinata had, not unlike Tobio, had gone startling still, and he watched with a horrible fascination as Hinata’s face paled. Tobio was surprised to see it, but Shimizu stepped forward. 

“He did it for his father,” she protested. Tobio couldn't remember ever seeing the woman display this much agitation. “It was either this or death.” 

“He has committed an unforgivable dishonor,” Washijo insisted. “Now he will die anyways because he’s been so foolish.”

Tobio just stood there, blank. He watched. He might have kept watching forever until Washijo turned to him. “Captain,” Washijo said, looking expectantly at him. His voice was clear and level and his face was calm. How? “You know the law.”

Tobio did, but he wished more than anything that he didn’t. For the first time, he regretted being so well-versed in the Middle Kingdom’s military requirements. Underage military service was high treason. An even higher dishonor. 

He walked mindlessly to his horse, still unfeeling. He didn’t meet the worried gazes trained in his direction. Tobio drew his sword and the world of noise grew to a deafening crescendo. 

Everything went silent when the weapon fell to the ground.

* * *

“A life for a life,” Kageyama said. “My debt is repaid.” His face was carefully blank. 

Shouyou stood by, almost absentmindedly noting the trailing gazes lingering in his direction. He was pretty sure somebody tried to talk to him a couple times. One person dropped a bag with clothes next to him, patting his shoulder. Another person draped a blanket over him at some point. 

Everyone left him behind. 

Some people glanced back at him. Kageyama didn't.

They all watched him as they rode away on their horses, and Shouyou sat there--he had sat down on the icy ground at some point--and remained there, steely and still. He felt a distant part of him twist in displeasure at the pity on their faces. The more present part of him just felt numb and tired.

Ancestors, he was _so_ tired.

He was tired of training and smiling all the time. Tired of bandages and medic tents, of changing leaves and public bathing quarters. Tired of missing his family and tired of feeling guilty for leaving them. Tired of himself. 

Shouyou looked up at the sky. The pulsing waves of clouds rolled and unravelled into the sky like an old piece of parchment. The same unrolling of the parchment that changed everything just now. If Shouyou could read the script, it would probably say just one thing. One, single word, a hundred, a thousand times. 

Stay.

Stay, and you can take a break. Stay, and be at peace, safe from the burdens of misfired cannons and blank blue eyes. Stay here, where he finally, finally close his eyes. Stay, and finally allow his mind and body to be still after a lifetime of chasing after shadows.

Now, he could finally rest.

* * *

The snow floated down on Shouyou that night as he laid there, eyes heavy and heart heavier. 

* * *

The snow was burning.

Tooru swam his way up to the surface of white, sputtering. A couple feet away, he spotted Iwaizumi stumbling out of a pile of snow and shaking out his armor. Swept with relief at being alive, Tooru let out a breath that condensed into a puff of white in the frigid air.

He would swear on his sword that he saw Kageyama Tobio in that valley. Tooru wasn’t sure he was fond of the fact that Kageyama had been so unmistakable. He’d never met him before, but word of his military position thoroughly recognized among most armies. 

Kageyama Tobio, captain of his own regiment at the tender age of nineteen. Most people seemed to forget that Tooru retained command of the entire _Hun_ _ army  _ at age nineteen, but, well. It didn't matter . 

He would crush them all anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for checking out this story!! idk why u clicked but i'm glad u did (i'm tired can u tell)
> 
> comment/kudos if u want, if you don't, then fuck off 
> 
> love u guys <3


	13. Grief and Gloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am somehow not dead so take this microscopic chapter

At first, he had tried to keep track of the days.

But he couldn’t figure out how long he lay stiff on the cot, lulled into oblivion by the smoke from the fire and quieted by the orange shadows dripping across tiled stone. 

He didn’t know how long the gaps lasted between gasping awake and shuddering asleep. It could have been minutes, could have been days, months, years-- the moments bled into one another, in a way not unlike how his own blood seeped through gauze wrapped around his waist. 

The ancestors who had set his fate ended up betraying him, and they would not come to his aid. Perhaps they never had.

He didn't bother to pray to them anymore.

* * *

He couldn’t seem to remember his own name as the days dragged on. He only recalled it because his companions spoke of him, ~~but one of them remained missing. Where were they?~~

He and his troops waded across the sea of white, walking through the forests, slumbering and bare. He stopped long enough to feed his troops and allow them a few measly hours of sleep. If it weren’t for them, he wasn’t sure that he would’ve ever stopped at all. So he stayed with his companions through the hours of the day and into the night. 

Slowly, time stretched. A week, nearing two. 

Everything remained in shades of grey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh
> 
> i have nothing to say for myself


	14. Wontons and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha guess what? shouyou's not dead sike lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow uh i have no excuse for not posting 
> 
> so this chapter would've been paced too fast if i posted it all in one so pt. II will be coming very soon
> 
> i hope you enjoy

Shouyou woke up in a world where every light was too bright and every sound was too loud. 

“What’s going on?” His voice came out as croak. 

At first glance, Shouyou felt like he was in a cave. With a low ceiling and warm shadows, the only light in the room was a fire crackling in the corner. 

“You’re awake.” 

Turning, Shouyou promptly stared for a socially disproportionate amount of time. 

The stranger was beautiful. 

With high, arching cheekbones and fanning eyelashes, he sat gracefully in an armchair next to Shouyou’s sick bed. His hair came down like a silk curtain, two-toned and unlike anything Shouyou had ever seen before. 

The boy shifted in his seat uncomfortably, eyes darting between Shouyou and the rest of the room. 

“I’m sorry for staring,” Shouyou blurted. “It’s just. You’re really pretty.” 

He immediately wanted to crawl into the fire and promptly never come out.

“I mean, uh. It’s nice to meet you,” Shouyou blabbed, trying to articulate words that came out as an acceptable introduction. “My name’s Hinata Shouyou.” 

Looking less uncomfortable, the boy gave a nod, ears tinted pink. “Thank you. You can call me Kenma.”

It was Shouyou’s turn to blush. “It’s nothing. You _are_ really pretty.” In a way, Kenma’s lithe figure and stunning appearance was very reminiscent of Kageyama. 

Reminded of his captain, Shouyou’s heart stuttered. He did his best to ignore it. “Where am I?”

“Well, you’re still in the Tung Shao Pass, but you’re currently in a tent.” 

“Okay.” That didn’t really tell him anything. “ _Who_ am I with?” Shouyou corrected. 

“The Nekoma Tribe,” someone said, entering the room. He was tall and lean, walking with the easy grace of an experienced fighter. “The name’s Kuroo Tetsurou. Kuroo will do.” 

“Hello, Kuroo.”

“Kuroo runs the tribe right now,” Kenma said, nodding towards Shouyou.

“When we first found you up in the mountains, we weren’t sure you’d make it.” Kuroo smiled. “It’s good to see that you’re awake. Can you tell us anything about why you were up there?”

Shouyou opened his mouth, but he couldn’t find the right words to form the correct explanation. 

“Well,” he began. “I’m part of the Imperial Army. I _was_ , at least. A conflict"-- _if you could call lying about every aspect of your identity a conflict--_ "kind of came up. I was going to be sent for execution as a punishment for my crimes, but I was exempted from that by Kagey-- by my captain.”

Kenma looked up, eyes wide. “The Imperial Army sends orders for execution amongst their soldiers?” 

“Not everyone is like us,” Kuroo said, but his expression was a shade dimmer than before. 

“Well,” Kenma cut in. “We don’t do that.”

Kuroo nodded in agreement. “He’s right. You’re safe with Nekoma, Shouyou.”

And then he was.

* * *

As the days went by and the winter grew colder, Shouyou settled into Nekoma with a startling familiarity. 

But sometimes, during twilight, Shouyou would bear witness to events that he could only describe as...strange. 

He would catch Kenma staring at the ashes in the fireplace of the infirmary, face grave and eyes haunted. He’d also caught glimpses of stolen conversations, hurriedly whispered under dimming candlelight and in shadowed corridors. But people were allowed to keep their secrets and Shouyou wasn't too worried.

In all, everyone was wonderful. It reminded Shouyou of home, almost. Their food was amazing, too: fragrant with spices and seasoned with salt that Nekoma mined themselves. Despite the chill outdoors, the village was always filled with warmth. 

Eventually, it was three days before the Winter Solstice, and Nekoma was buzzing with activity. In the morning, Shouyou went out to the main clearing and caught Kuroo leading the members of the tribe in what looked like a summoning dance. Wanting to watch, he had lingered in the pavilion, but Kuroo had waved him off once he saw him.

Later that night, Shouyou asked Kenma about it. “Why was Kuroo dancing this morning?” 

“It’s traditional,” Kenma explained. He didn’t look up from his book. “Everyone who wants to is allowed to dance.”

“It’s tradition?”

“Yeah. It’s custom to dance and welcome new tidings.”

“Why do you do that?” In his village, Shouyou had just tried to vaguely send thoughts in his ancestors’ direction. 

Kenma didn’t seem fazed. “To please them. It’s a way to ask for a blessing in the next year.” 

Shouyou was quiet for a while before suddenly being struck with a thought. “Have you ever danced?”

“I’ve never liked public displays like that,” Kenma said, shaking his head. “We always have enough people whether or not I join anyways. Kuroo prefers to fight, though I’ve never done that either. He says it’s fun.”

“Fighting during the Solstice?” Displays of violence were typically looked down upon on holy days. 

For a fleeting moment, Shouyou wondered whether or not he could fight, too. He had been itching to exercise for days, veins thrumming with energy. But the thought soon evaporated back into nothing as Kenma shrugged and brought Shouyou back to reality.

“When you live somewhere as harsh as these mountains, everyday is a battle. Fighting on the Solstice shows the ancestors that even on a day of peace, we’re still willing to fight for them. Do you celebrate the Solstice differently?” 

Kenma was suddenly watching him very closely, and Shouyou was quiet for a while, wanting to answer him with an accurate response.

“My family always has a feast with all the seasonal harvests. We make wontons.” Shouyou could imagine it clearly: dusk bleeding into twilight, laughter filtering through the shutters.

“What do you fill the wontons with?”

“Everyone does it differently,” Shouyou explained. “Suga always makes ours with pork and scallions, though. It’s one of the simpler ones.” 

“Suga?”

“Sugawara Koushi. He and Daichi took me in when I was seven. They take care of me.”

Kenma furrowed his brows. “Okay. What else do you do?”

“Well, we have food. A lot of food. It’s mostly about the food,” Shouyou said with a laugh. “You can give presents too. I was given a really pretty compass a couple years ago, and--” Shouyou suddenly stopped. It hadn’t crossed his mind that this would be the first Solstice in almost a decade where he didn’t spend it with his family.

“You got a compass?” Kenma prompted. 

Shouyou nodded, suddenly unable to speak. 

As if he was able to tell that Shouyou wouldn’t be able to share any more of his memories, Kenma picked up the conversation. 

“We’re not very different from that,” he said. “We eat and give gifts too. There’s just some extra dancing and fighting to go along with that. Though we probably won't give gifts this year,” Kenma said, voice quieting. 

“Wait, why?”

“We haven’t had time to get any, not after the village was--” Kenma cut off. “We haven’t gotten any since the tribe started setting up for the winter.”

“Did you guys have a tough harvest this season?” 

“Something like that,” Kenma said, and his voice was suddenly much quieter. 

The next day was the Solstice, and Inuoka and Yaku spent most of the morning trying to shove Shouyou into formal clothes. He was thrown off by being fussed over; no one had put any effort into Shouyou’s appearance since his fortune telling, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. 

It was quite strange, but despite how off-center he felt, Shouyou didn’t protest to any of their efforts until they gave him the clothes that he was supposed to wear. “I’ll be cold,” he complained.

“Hinata,” Yaku said, matter of fact. “The people of Nekoma aren’t afraid of a little cold.”

“Well, I’m not a part of Nekoma.” 

Yaku shrugged. “Kuroo told us to dress you as if you were.”

Inuoka handed him his pants again. They were made of sturdy leather, lined with fur and decorated around the cuffs with embroidery. “You won’t be that cold, I promise.” 

The pants were undoubtedly the warmest pair he’d ever had. When he pulled them on, Shouyou found that they were very comfortable despite being thick. 

The top that Inuoka handed to him was different from what Shouyou was familiar with as well. It was cropped and had two straps that helped secure it to his body, and was decorated at bottom with a row of fur. Shouyou’s cloak was pinned together at his neck and fanned out behind him. It was a warm tan, layered with wool and accented with stitches of orange and yellow.

Though he tried to hide his struggle to keep up throughout the morning, Shouyou was the most thrown off when Yaku tried to braid his hair. Because of how short his hair was, the braids were crude, tufts of woven hair tumbling around utop his head, and Inuoka had laughed at Shouyou once Yaku was done.

The sun was hanging high in the sky by the time Kuroo came in to examine Yaku and Inuoka’s handiwork and deem it acceptable. After a light lunch, Shouyou spent most of the afternoon wandering aimlessly around Nekoma’s tents, trying not to see his reflection: he looked a little too strange. It wasn’t that he didn’t look like himself, but a different version of himself that he wasn’t yet comfortable with. 

It wasn’t a bad feeling, but it was unfamiliar, and so he ignored it while he could. 

* * *

Eventually, someone brought Shouyou to the room where Kenma and the others were, and when he stepped inside, the whole room was abuzz. Everybody was walking around and chattering away, tying up straps and touching up on face paint.

Inuoka’s hair was slicked back, face framed with hanging beads that were strung onto a leather hairband. Yaku’s curls and Yamamoto’s hair were both styled, eyes dotted with accents and vermillion streaked across their cheekbones. Kuroo had braids threaded through his bangs and the other half of his hair artfully mussed and slicked back, little red and black lines drawn horizontally under each eye.

Kenma was talking to Kuroo, so Shouyou went to stand on the side to wait for him. Surprisingly, Lev approached him. 

He grinned at Shouyou, edges sharp. “Hey,” he said, voice pitched into a strange tone.

Shouyou didn’t really know the right way to respond to that. “Hello.”

Suddenly, his cheeks lit up and he felt ridiculous in his outfit, so Shouyou turned on his heel and walked to the corner where there was water to grab a sip. He looked up, and was startled to find that Lev had followed him across the room. 

“Where do you think you’re running to?”

“Not running,” Shouyou mumbled, but he didn’t meet Lev’s gaze. 

Lev just gave that smile again. He opened his mouth, no doubt to make another bewildering comment, and Shouyou quickly pressed a glass of water into his hand. 

“Here,” he hurried to say. “Drink this.”

Lev took the drink and sipped at the water, but rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Anyway, Kenma talked to me earlier. He said said something about--”

“I said that it wasn’t anything to worry about,” Kenma said, suddenly appearing.

As he turned to greet him, Shouyou’s mind came to a screeching halt. 

Kenma looked amazing. The servants had artfully streaked braids into his hair, and thick stripes of paint were painted along his cheekbones, and two small triangles were set under each of his eyes. He physically felt Kenma scanned him up and down, his gaze scraping from the top of his head to the soles of his shoes. Shouyou felt his cheeks glow hot: he knew he looked ridiculous. 

Abruptly, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t complained when Yaku painted his face or drenched him in jewelry. He should have put a stop to all this nonsense early on instead of making a fool of himself.

But instead of making a derisive comment, Kenma just gave a warm smile. “Hello, Shouyou.”

“Doesn’t he look nice, Kenma?” Lev’s eyes were glinting.

“He does.” Kenma stared straight back at Lev, gaze calculating. 

Slightly bewildered but thoroughly annoyed, Shouyou took a stride forward and wedged himself between them. Although they bantered before, something about the current conversation between Lev and Kenma felt different. More electric, more tense. In all honesty, Shouyou wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“Come on,” he said, catching a glimpse of everybody else heading out. “I think it’s about to start.”

Kenma broke away first, his hair gently swaying as he turned and walked towards the door. Lev followed him, still smiling. 

Shouyou trailed after Lev, pointedly deciding that the light feeling in his chest was nothing more than excitement to explore Nekoma’s culture. 

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so lev and shouyou def have a unresolved rivalry so why not just turn it into some unresolved tension amiright
> 
> also kenma is just super pretty ok i would've had the same reaction as shouyou if i saw him too
> 
> hope y'all have a lovely week ;)


	15. Music and Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Shouyou looked over in his direction, Kenma smiled at him fondly. His silhouette was slender, face cast into soft shadows. 
> 
> Shouyou’s cheeks were abruptly and irrationally hot for a winter night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of this part wasn't done but i really wanted to post this for y'all so yay for that
> 
> enjoy ;)

The feast was easily the biggest celebration Shouyou had ever seen. The entirety of Nekoma went outside, gathering around low wooden platforms that were surrounded by giant, roaring fires. 

The first thing that happened seemed like a prayer of sorts, a low murmur across the tables as the tribe fell into a hush. After that, Kuroo stood and gave a speech about prosperity, which resulted in a lot of cheerful chatter from the rest of the tribe. Then they ate.

Shouyou was overwhelmed. 

Despite slowly becoming familiar with Nekoma’s way of life, presented on the tables were various potato-like roots that he’d never seen and puddings and cakes that Shouyou couldn’t even begin to guess the ingredients of.  The tribe also had some honeyed milk that was fragrant and tasted deliciously spicy. Shouyou had three tall glasses of it, feeling fuzzy and warm before he finally remembered that there was an entire feast to contend to. Once he’d finished, he was fairly certain that he’d never been so stuffed with food before. 

By that point, the stars were blinking down at them and Kuroo was half lounging in Kenma’s lap, eyes half-lidded and face content as Lev tried to hit him in the face with pieces of bread, or perhaps Kuroo was trying to catch them with his mouth.

When Shouyou looked over in his direction, Kenma smiled at him fondly. His silhouette was slender, face cast into soft shadows. 

Shouyou’s cheeks were abruptly and irrationally hot for a winter night.

Catching his eye, Lev grinned at him too, and then Shouyou’s heart started beating a little too fast to be normal. Lev had been looking and talking strangely to him all night. Before, he had never paid Shouyou any attention more than friendly rivalry. In the back of his mind, Shouyou had the thought that even though Lev had never really seen past their tension before, he definitely did now.

“Okay,” Kenma said, taking Shouyou’s glass out of his hand. His brows were furrowed with concern, and Shouyou had the urge to tell him that  _ there’s no need to be worried for me, Kenma. I’m not worth it anyways, _ but Kenma kept talking before Shouyou could open his mouth.  “That’s enough mountain milk for you.” 

Kuroo looked slightly distressed to have Kenma leave, but his expression sobered as he scanned Shouyou's form. “Take a break from the alcohol, Hinata. You’re looking really red.”

Shouyou’s brain failed to notice that the word ‘alcohol’ had left Kuroo’s mouth. “I don’t need a break,” he whined. It’s just that Lev and Kenma keep looking at me.” 

Lev lifted an eyebrow. 

His beauty was of an untouchable sort. It was almost frightening--sharp eyes, brilliantly arched cheekbones. The kind of eyes that had stories hidden behind them. He gave Shouyou a look and set a cup of water down in front of him. “Drink up, shortie.”

Shouyou downed the glass and poked pitifully at the last few pieces of squash on his plate.

“Shouyou, Lev makes you blush?” Kenma’s gaze was sharp. 

“It’s just. I feel really warm.” 

“You feel warm,” Kenma said flatly. “Outside. In the dead of winter.”

“Yes.”

“Nothing to do with anyone looking at you.”

Shouyou was quiet for a few moments, trying to come up with the right response before he suddenly startled out of his seat. “What are the others doing?”

Everyone began to flurry with movement. Tables were pushed aside to make an open square on the mountain cliff, and it seemed that the dance was about to begin. 

Some of Nekoma played hand drums while others began a low hum. It thrummed throughout the clearing. 

Then people began to dance. 

Many of the men weren’t wearing anything to cover their chest, and the women wore only thin bands across their hips and breasts. There was a lot of stomping and clapping mixed into the dance, along with movements that were as graceful as they were intimidating. Half the time the dancers looked like they were about to start fighting.

As Shouyou watched, he saw that Lev did something where he rolled his entire body and Kenma had cast Shouyou a curious glance. That's when Shouyou realized that he had sucked in a breath, sharp and prominent. 

“It’s a nice dance,” Shouyou muttered, instinctively reaching for his milk tankard and feeling stupid when he grasped nothing.

Kenma was giving him a strange look when he nodded very slowly. “Yes, it really is.”

Suddenly, the music changed, and everyone was dancing however they wanted, frenzied and disorganized and beautiful. Watching everyone frolic around him, Shouyou smiled and wondered absentmindedly whether or not Kenma might dance with him.

Before he could turn his head and ask Kenma to dance, he asked first. “Shouyou, would you like to dance?”

“I’ve never danced before.”

Kenma gave another small smile. “I have. I’ll show you.”

Looking at Kenma’s outstretched hand, Shouyou somehow knew that this moment was going to be very important. 

Briefly, he debated whether or not to go into the clearing, but then he realized there wasn’t any good reason that he shouldn’t. The people of Nekoma had no knowledge that he was seen as a disgrace in his village. They weren’t judging the validity of every decision he made.

_ I’ve never danced before,  _ Shouyou had said, but what he really meant was  _ I’ve never been free before. _

Then there was Kenma’s reply.

_ I have. I’ll show you. _

Shouyou took Kenma’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this is a kagehina story but also kenhina supremacy 
> 
> (i also thought it would be good for shouyou to gather various experiences before committing to a relationship because he's a catch ok)
> 
> stay safe, loves <3


	16. Liquor and Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What were you and Kenma talking about?” he asked, sitting down on a bench. Shouyou sat down next to him and paused, unsure of what to say. 
> 
> “I’m not very sure,” he finally answered. 
> 
> Lev laughed, and Shouyou suddenly came out of his haze and became very alert when Lev’s arm went around his shoulders. “You’ve drank a bit too much for your height, shortie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE I HOPE YOUR DAYS HAVE BEEN GOOD AND IF NOT I HOPE THEY GET BETTER
> 
> enjoy ;)

“You’re a good dancer, Shouyou.” 

Shouyou’s brain was too fuzzy to properly respond to that. “I thought you said that you didn’t dance.”

Kenma shrugged a little. “I never had someone to dance with.”

“Why don’t you dance with Kuroo?” Shouyou blurted without thinking.

Almost automatically, his eyes searched the crowd until they landed on Kuroo in the corner. His brows were drawn tight, speaking in a hurried conversation with a pair of boys that Shouyou had never seen before. 

The taller one of them had hair that was two-toned like Kenma’s, black streaked through with silver. Next to him was a pretty-looking boy with black hair and sharp, intelligent eyes. The bottoms of their cloaks and boots were soaked through and 

Just then, though, Shouyou’s attentions were drawn away and he promptly forgot about the two strangers as Kenma began to speak. 

“Kuroo’s attention is...elsewhere.” 

Kenma’s face went a little pink as he said it, but his eyes were filled with a strange determination when he met Shouyou’s gaze again. 

“Besides,” he said, “I asked you to dance, Shouyou. Not Kuroo.” 

Shouyou opened his mouth and was going to reply before someone plowed into him, and Kenma’s arms were the only thing that sent him from careening into the floor.

When he turned to look, Inuoka and Lev were laughing on the floor, failing to get up as they dissolved back into laughter. Shouyou watched Kenma’s eyes fall on the heap on the floor and give a small, fond smile. 

The people of Nekoma--and for a fleeting moment, Shouyou wondered. 

_Do I count as a part of that group, part of Nekoma? Or am I still distinct and separate from everybody else?_

Regardless of the way Shouyou craved to belong, he knew that the people of Nekoma, the people surrounding him on the dance floor, the people who had healed him and welcomed him into their life were more than a tribe, more than a group bound together by the history of their ancestors. They were a family. 

The knowledge caused a strange ache in Shouyou’s heart, and without Kenma’s presence to distract him, he suddenly realized that the edges of his vision were a bit blurry. Swaying from side to side, he nearly toppled over. 

Seeing him in trouble, Lev suddenly appeared to catch Shouyou before he fell over. “Woah, shortie. We’ve gotta work on your liquor tolerance.”

“Liquor? I haven’t had any liquor,” Shouyou slurred. “The only thing I had tonight was milk.”

“You think you haven’t had any--” Lev cut off. “Kuroo’s gotta tell everyone to stop spiking the milk,” he muttered.

Lev led Shouyou away from the activity surprisingly gently, weaving through the dancing crowd with skill that spoke of years of similar festivities. 

“What were you and Kenma talking about?” he asked, sitting down on a bench. Shouyou sat down next to him and paused, unsure of what to say. 

“I’m not very sure,” he answered truthfully. 

Lev laughed, and Shouyou suddenly came out of his haze and became very alert when Lev’s arm went around his shoulders. “You’ve drank a bit too much for your height, shortie.”

Shouyou looked at Lev’s arm curiously, wondering why it was there and why he didn’t mind more. Then Lev’s hand started petting Shouyou’s hair and his mind went completely blank. 

“You look nice in our clothes,” Lev said casually. “They fit you well.”

Shouyou blinked dizzily before he realized that he should probably say something to distract himself from his abrupt realization that Lev could fit both his hands around Shouyou’s waist and his fingers almost touched each other. 

“I like clothes,” he heard himself mutter nonsensically.

Lev laughed and then smiled again, enticing and suggestive, but also gentle. Kind. 

“Braids look nice on you, Shouyou,” someone suddenly added from behind. 

Shouyou whipped his head around and opened his mouth say that _actually, braids looked quite awful on me, sort of like weird tufts on--_

When he saw that the person standing behind him was Kenma, his mouth was left hanging open. 

Kenma’s eyes were curious as he scanned over Lev and Shouyou. “Come on,” he said, before standing up very quickly and walking away, and Shouyou had no idea what was going on but he followed him anyway. 

Though the silence between Shouyou and Kenma as they wound further and further away from the music and conversation wasn’t awkward, Shouyou found himself rambling at Kenma anyways. Being around Kenma seemed to do that to him, taking away his hesitance and making him blurt out all of his thoughts. 

Shouyou didn’t mind it that much. Something about Kenma just slowly melted away his worries. Kenma was safe, and nice, and pretty, and Shouyou suddenly felt like Kenma had to know the way he felt about him. 

“I like you, Kenma. You’re pretty and nice and you listen to me,” Shouyou said, hiccupping. His legs felt loose, his chest warm. Kenma was so nice and so pretty. Kenma was--

Kenma was talking to him, and Shouyou should be listening to what he had to say. 

Then Kenma stopped talking. “Tell me if this isn’t okay,” he murmured, leaning in and pressing their mouths together. 

Shouyou’s heart started beating incredibly fast. He froze, bewildered and not knowing what to do. What was he supposed to do in this kind of situation? This was crazy, and this was amazing, and this was--

This was--

“Close your eyes, Shouyou,” Kenma said, giving a small laugh as he pulled away, and Shouyou had never been more grateful and more displeased to not be kissed at that moment.

“Sorry, I’ve never--”

“It’s fine, Shouyou. It’s cute. Just do what I do, like this--”

Kenma put his lips on Shouyou’s again, and for a moment, Shouyou felt the tip of his tongue. 

From the way they interacted with each other, it was obvious that Kenma and Kuroo had feelings for each other. Maybe Shouyou was getting between that, and maybe he should put a stop to this, but everytime he tried, Kenma’s mouth was so soft and warm that Shouyou couldn’t push him away, and--

“Oh, fuck. We are _not_ doing this.”

Kenma jerked back from Shouyou at the same time that Shouyou stumbled backwards in surprise, cheeks red and stomach twisting like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been.

Lev scowled as he pulled Shouyou up from the snow. “Kenma, are you out of your mind?”

Shouyou blinked. “Um.”

“You can’t tell me what to do, Lev,” said Kenma, chest heaving and lips pink and wet. His gaze was fixed on Shouyou, staring him in the eye like he couldn’t quite look away. It made his heart flutter. 

“Kenma.”

Kenma’s gaze ripped away from Shouyou and dropped to the ground. 

Kuroo smiled at the three of them, though it was tight around the edges. “Is everything okay?”

“We’re fine,” Lev said, glaring at Kenma and not seeming fine at all. “Shouyou was just going to go to sleep.”

“Uh,” Shouyou said, but then the two travelling boys from earlier appeared and it suddenly became a very good idea to head back into his tent and go to sleep. 

“Kenma,” said the taller of the two travellers. “We really need to talk.”

Shouyou saw Kenma’s eyes widen in surprise as he looked up. “Bokuto?”

“Hey,” Bokuto said, giving a weak smile. “Like I said, we should talk.”

“Okay then,” Lev said with cheer that was obviously false enough that even Shouyou’s fuzzy brain could tell it was fake. “Now that you guys are having your reunion, Hinata is going to go to bed like I said. Right?” 

Shouyou looked at Lev. Then at Kuroo and Kenma, and how well they looked next to each other. And then back at the two travellers, and back to Lev. His head hurt. 

“Right,” he answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo really needs to tell everyone to stop spiking milk
> 
> Also can u tell that Shouyou's never drank before? he's never drank before


End file.
